“Global warming is so serious that I’d advise you to not wear panties.” — Jarod Kintz Global warming Copy Share Image
“Blood may be thicker than water, but it's certainly not as thick as ketchup. Nor does it go as well with French… — Jarod Kintz French fries Copy Share Image
“The police called it choking, but I called it a two-handed neck hug. That’s how I knew she really loved me.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Nobody is mysteriously mysterious. To be mysterious all it takes is hard work, misdirection, and a fog machine.” — Jarod Kintz Computers Copy Share Image
“I'm not famous, but some people know me by name. Other people know me by number. That number is four.” — Jarod Kintz Famous Copy Share Image
“I’m walking downstairs and upstairs at the same time. I’m in love.” — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“There were 17 people at the funeral. 16 of them were there for a family reunion—mine. Discount space, you see.” — Jarod Kintz Family Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be bunched up and used as a seat cushion. But I’d rather cut off your buttocks and use that… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I don’t believe in the zodiac. Whenever anybody asks me what my sign is, I always say “Yield.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I had a dream about you. The Thursdays were back, and with them they brought hope. They were selling, and everybody was… — Jarod Kintz Dreams Copy Share Image
“If I were to come back in another life, I’d like to be reincarnated as my own clone.” — Jarod Kintz Another life Copy Share Image
“College is a scam. Why go into debt to get no job when you could be unemployed for FREE?” — Jarod Kintz Career Copy Share Image
“If you want walking dolphins and talking sandwiches, you’re lucky to have me buying shoes for you—and selling them to you. I’ll… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If I look like I haven’t slept for eight hours, it’s because I haven’t. Oh, I wasn’t up all night. I slept… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“When I'm in yoga class, and I'm in the Tree Pose, I always pretend I'm the Tree of Knowledge. To help further… — Jarod Kintz Tree of knowledge Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to not be used. Is my hair waving in the wind, or are your eyes twitching? ” — Jarod Kintz Ur Eyes Copy Share Image
“I’m 30-years-old, and I still can’t get out from under my father’s shadow. He’s really tall, so maybe I’ll just ask him… — Jarod Kintz Parenting Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to stop terrorism. Unless that terrorist has a small knife, or really sharp teeth, and is able… — Jarod Kintz American freedom Copy Share Image
“If you were to ask me what’s under my bed, I’d tell you shoes. They’re brown, and they’re still attached to the… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I love this book like I love a brick and a blanket, which could be used to teach people the value of… — Jarod Kintz Book Copy Share Image
“I want to leave a legacy. I'll leave him in the trunk, tied up, at a parking garage on the campus of… — Jarod Kintz Leave A Legacy Copy Share Image
“I ought to fire one of my two employees into the other one’s asshole.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I always buckle up, even if I’m only walking across the parking lot.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
