A Jewish woman had 2 chickens. One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup out of the other one to help… — Henny Youngman Chicken soup Copy Share Image
My wife drives the wrong way on a one way street. The cop pulled her over and asked, "Where are you going?"… — Henny Youngman Coming back Copy Share Image
A doctor has a stethoscope up to a man's chest. The man asks, "Doc, how do I stand?" The doctor says, "That's… — Henny Youngman Asks Copy Share Image
Getting on a plane, I told the ticket lady, "Send one of my bags to New York, send one to Los Angeles,… — Henny Youngman Airline Copy Share Image
Americans are getting stronger. Twenty years ago, it took two people to carry ten dollars' worth of groceries. Today, a five-year-old can… — Henny Youngman Dollars Copy Share Image
The room is so small, when I put the key in, I broke the window! — Henny Youngman Broke Copy Share Image
“When you battle with your conscience and lose, you win. -Henny Youngman, comedian and violinist (1906-1998)” — Henny Youngman Humor Copy Share Image
If my mother knew I did this for a living, she'd kill me. She thinks I'm selling dope. — Henny Youngman Dope Copy Share Image
You have the Midas touch. Everything you touch turns to a muffler. — Henny Youngman Funny Copy Share Image
This is an elegant hotel! Room service has an unlisted number. — Henny Youngman Elegant Copy Share Image
My wife will buy anything marked down. Last year she bought an escalator. — Henny Youngman Escalators Copy Share Image
I wish my brother would learn a trade, so I would know what kind of work he's out of. — Henny Youngman Brother Copy Share Image
“I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places. - Henny… — Henny Youngman Medicine Copy Share Image
My best friend ran away with my wife, and let me tell you, I miss him. — Henny Youngman Best friend Copy Share Image
Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A… — Henny Youngman Anniversary Copy Share Image
She's been married so many times she has rice marks on her face. — Henny Youngman Marriage Copy Share Image
I know a guy who had his doctor say, "Take some weight off, go to a health club." The man lost 20… — Henny Youngman Clubs Copy Share Image
I said to my wife, 'Where do you want to go for our anniversary?' She said, 'I want to go somewhere I've… — Henny Youngman Anniversary Copy Share Image
A guy complains of a headache. Another guy says, Do what I do. I put my head on my wife's bosom, and… — Henny Youngman Bosoms Copy Share Image
