How to drive a guy crazy: send him a telegram and on the top put 'page 2.' — Henny Youngman Crazy Copy Share Image
“I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to stop going to those places.” — Henny Youngman Humor Copy Share Image
I think the world of you...and you know what condition the world is in today. — Henny Youngman Conditions Copy Share Image
There is no spark like the one ignited under the aspirations of a new graduate. — Henny Youngman Aspiration Copy Share Image
Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all. — Henny Youngman Comedy Copy Share Image
I've got enough money to last the rest of my life ... as long as I die about four o'clock this afternoon. — Henny Youngman Afternoon Copy Share Image
Anybody who thinks talk is cheap has never argued with a traffic cop. — Henny Youngman Communication Copy Share Image
A woman was taking a shower. There is a knock on the door. Who is it? Blind man! The woman opens the… — Henny Youngman Blind Copy Share Image
I've got two wonderful children - and two out of five isn't too bad. — Henny Youngman Children Copy Share Image
2 Jewish women in New York. One says, "Do you see what's going on in Poland?" The other says, "I live in… — Henny Youngman Funny Copy Share Image
Zsa Zsa Gabor is an expert housekeeper. Every time she gets divorced, she keeps the house. — Henny Youngman Divorced Copy Share Image
I bought my wife a little Italian car. A Mafia. It has a hood under the hood. — Henny Youngman Car Copy Share Image
I love Christmas. I receive a lot of wonderful presents I can't wait to exchange. — Henny Youngman Christmas Copy Share Image
I have a lovely room and bath in the hotel. It's a little inconvenient, they're in two separate buildings! — Henny Youngman Baths Copy Share Image
Nurse: "Doctor, the man you just gave a clean bill of health to dropped dead right as he was leaving the office".… — Henny Youngman Bills Copy Share Image
My wife lost all her credit cards, but I'm not going to report it. Whoever found them spends less than she does! — Henny Youngman Cards Copy Share Image
My wife has a keen sense of humor. The more I humor her, the better. — Henny Youngman Humor Copy Share Image
