Thank you, Occupy Wall Street. With your vivid example of anticapitalist squalor, I've been able to convince all three of my children… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
The problem with public school is not overcrowding in the classroom. The problem is not teacher unions. The problem is not underfunding… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Distracting a politician from governing is like distracting a bear from eating your baby. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
When you're a war correspondent, the reader is for you because the reader is saying, 'Gee, I wouldn't want to be doing… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Some day you will be wheeled in for a heart bypass operation, and a surgeon will be the person who is now… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Teasing and a sense of humor, if you can develop that in your kids, and if you can exercise it with the… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
When you pay a hospital bill, you're really paying two hospital bills - one bill for you because you have a job… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
If you ask the government to solve all of your problems, it's a bit like asking your wife to cook and clean,… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Jimmy Carter was - he still - he remains to this day America's most ex of ex-presidents. You just can't believe that… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Are you a Democrat because you're a union member? Then why, after eight years of Bill Clinton, does some Chinese guy in… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Call a man 'ignorant,' and you have license to show the world your vast fund of knowledge and wise him up. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
In comparative terms, there's no poverty in America by a long shot. Heritage Foundation political scientist Robert Rector has worked up figures showing that… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
The Democrats said, "We don't know what's wrong with America, but we can fix it." The Republicans said, "There's nothing wrong with America, and… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
At Epcot Center the Disney corporation has focused its attention on two things greatly in need of Disneyfication: the tedious future and the annoying… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
So-called Western Civilization, as practised in half of Europe, some of Asia and a few parts of North America, is better than anything else… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
My whole family can talk. They are all car salesmen. They are all funny. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
It was Ronald Reagan who used to say that the 10 most frightening words in the English language are, "I'm from the federal government,… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Gun violence has cost us too many political leaders, and hardly ever the worst ones. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Pete Seeger is a modest, unassuming, cheerful, and kind-natured man. He's a good folk singer, if you can stand folk singing. And he's such… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Journalists are notoriously easy to kid. All you have to do is speak to a journalist in a very serious tone of voice, and… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
I like to think of my behavior in the sixties as a 'learning experience.' Then again, I like to think of anything stupid I've… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
I'll be 56 this year, I've got two kids, and I think it's probably time to go back to writing one-glove jokes. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
