You folks like TV, you watch a lot of TV? There's a show right here on CBS, it's a huge hit. It's… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
John Walker, while he was in Afghanistan, told people his goal was to have four wives. ... Do we need any further… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
Rick Perry, started out like a ball of fire from Texas and then he started to drop and now he's retooling. He's… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
The latest polls show that Arnold Schwarzenegger is trailing Lieutenant Governor Cruz Bustamante in the polls. That's insane. I mean, think about… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
Barack Obama said he may negotiate with the Taliban. A lot of people are saying okay, but be careful. But I said… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
How about this John Kerry controversy? So he's out there in California, tells some kind of joke and it backfires. He's saying… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
Presidential candidate Howard Dean is now being attacked for dodging the draft. I never knew this about the guy - but now… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
Yesterday Senator John Kerry changed his mind and now supports the ban on gay marriages. I'm telling you this guy has more… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
Two things you need to know about taxes. They've extended the deadline to April 18, and when you write your check, just make it… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
You know Kim Jong Un, the evil dictator of North Korea? Apparently, a guy in his inner circle used his ashtray while smoking and… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
It's the first day of spring. That means this weekend I'll take down my Christmas lights. — David Letterman Copy Share Image
There are a lot of New York City Thanksgiving traditions. For example, a lot of New Yorkers don't buy the frozen Thanksgiving turkey. They… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
I can hardly wait until Donald Trump announces his celebrity cabinet. — David Letterman Copy Share Image
Experts say this global warming is serious, and they are predicting now that by the year 2050, we will be out of party ice. — David Letterman Copy Share Image
We make a lot of fun at President Clinton's expense. But this transition is going to be tough because it's been 25 years since… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
I'm worried about John Kerry, he's so confident now that he's already planning his White House sex scandal. — David Letterman Copy Share Image
I vote Democrat because I'm way too irresponsible to own a gun, and I know that my local police are all I need to… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
Do I think there is a heaven? Uh, yeah I do. Like a really big gymnasium. How do I see myself there? With really… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
If it wasn't for coffee, I'd have no discernible personality at all. — David Letterman Copy Share Image
