I find that an entertainer is quite content to sit still, and I think an artist always has a little motion, always… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
As it stands right now, I lead Richard Pryor in heart attacks, two to one. However, Richard still leads me, one to… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Geologists claim that although the world is running out of oil, there is still a 200-hundred-year supply of brake fluid. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I don't care much about the outcome. I'd like for people to feel better and have better lives, but I don't think… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
In my neighborhood - West 121st Street in New York, "white Harlem" - there were only two drugs: smack and marijuana. By… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I gravitated toward being a funny guy. I liked the radio comedians. I lived in the Golden Age of radio, and the… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Heart disease has changed my eating habits, but I still cook bacon for the smell. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Have you noticed when you wear a hat for a long time it feels like it's not there anymore? And then when… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
And this should go without saying. That's why I'm going to say it: Drinking and driving don't mix. Do your drinking early… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I went to George Washington High School for six months before my 16th birthday, when I could legally quit. That was an… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Every time you're exposed to advertising in America you're reminded that this country's most profitable business is still the manufacture, packaging, distribution,… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I never go anywhere or do anything that transports me outside the boundaries of my mind. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Comedy, although it is not one of the fine arts - it's a vulgar art, it's one of the people's arts, it's the spoken… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. ... These two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“TOMORROW IS ANOTHER DAY. Not true. Today is another day. We have no idea what tomorrow is going to be. It might turn out… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I was a loner as a child. I had an imaginary friend - I didn't bother with him. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“If you guys want to get a MOM tattoo and save a little money, just get two letters done. Get about a one-inch capital… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
You've built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that it's a day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday! — George Carlin Copy Share Image
It ended suddenly for Brenda, more slowly for me. My runs began getting shorter and less pleasurable. I'd feel bad after only one day,… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
The whole idea of the pursuit of goods and possessions has completely corrupted the human experience, along with religion, which I think limits the… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
