Republican Quotes by David Letterman

Republicans are having trouble luring Gov. Chris Christie into the presidential race. They should try pie.

— David Letterman

Yesterday was the New York City Marathon. Republicans won in a landslide.

— David Letterman

Mitt Romney has asked Todd Akin to step down. That's too bad. Todd Akin was the guy to lead the Republican Party…

— David Letterman

Iraq's elite Republican Guard is doing so badly they're changing their name to the Democratic Guard.

— David Letterman

Here in New York City, it's cold. It's so cold the Republicans want to use the Keystone Pipeline to deliver soup.

— David Letterman

I believe I have voted for both Democrats and Republicans. Am I either one? Absolutely not. Ladies and gentlemen, I am an…

— David Letterman

Have you seen these Republican presidential candidates? I bet Obama is sorry now that he spent all that money on the new…

— David Letterman

As you know now, Rush Limbaugh is the new face of the Republican Party, but they'll probably go with a different body.

— David Letterman

Mitt Romney has a fund-raiser. He's going to get in the ring and fight Evander Holyfield. This is the dumbest thing Republicans…

— David Letterman

New Republican Presidential candidate Jon Huntsman is fluent in Chinese. In a short period of time the Republicans have come quite a…

— David Letterman

Did you hear what the Republicans have said about Hillary Clinton? They say she's too angry to be president. Hillary Clinton, Senator…

— David Letterman

John Kerry had surgery on his right shoulder this week to repair some damage. It was pretty bad, he had no feeling.…

— David Letterman

The Democrats were crushed in the midterm elections. The Republican juggernaut pounded the Democrats, and the pundits say they will not really…

— David Letterman

An old interview of Arnold Schwartzenegger has surfaced where he admits to smoking a lot of pot and having sex with hookers.…

— David Letterman

Mitt Romney, two-time Republican presidential candidate, is going to fight Evander Holyfield for charity. I hope they save some of that money…

— David Letterman

The candidates at the Republican debate looked like a town council that was outlawing dancing. They looked like a board of directors…

— David Letterman

John McCain said that Sarah Palin is still a force in the Republican Party. Then he got in his car and backed…

— David Letterman

President Obama's trying to work out a nuclear deal with Iran, and the Republicans are steamed. They got together and sent Iran…

— David Letterman

Mitt Romney, two-time Republican presidential hopeful, boxed former heavyweight champion of the world Evander Holyfield for charity. It was a horrible moment…

— David Letterman