She's afraid to tell me anything important, knowing I'll only turn around and write about it. In my mind, I'm like a… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
It is funny the things that run through your mind when you're sitting in your underpants in front of a pair of… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
What I really hated, of course, was my mind. There must have been an off switch somewhere, but I was damned if… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
It's odd the things that people remember. Parents will arrange a birthday party, certain it will stick in your mind forever. You'll… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
The word phobic has its place when properly used, but lately it's been declawed by the pompous insistence that most animosity is… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
but I have no mind for business and considered staying awake to be enough of an accomplishment. — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
God was someone I wound up turning over and over in my mind each night... Was He punishing me with this meal… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
If I'm riding my bike I just replay the same scenarios over and over in my head, like I haven't had a… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
The word 'phobic' has its place when properly used, but lately it's been declawed by the pompous insistence that most animosity is… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
On a busy day twenty-two thousand people come to visit Santa, and I was told that it is an elf's lot to… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“Plenty of animals had pets, but few were more devoted than the mouse, who owned a baby corn snake—“A rescue snake, she’d be quick… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“never fall asleep in a Dumpster, never underestimate a bee, never drive a convertible behind a flatbed truck, never get old, never get drunk… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“It was a father, one hand resting teapot-style on his hip, and the other - what would be the spout - formed into a… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“A Japanese woman we’d met in Paris came to the apartment yesterday and spent several hours explaining our appliances. The microwave, the water kettle,… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
One thing I like about the United States, and I kind of miss about the United States, is there's an election coming up here… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
When you read comic material and people aren't laughing how do you know they're listening. — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“You have how many children in your family?" the teacher would ask. "I'm guessing you must be Catholic, am I right?” — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“Like most seasoned phonies, I roundly suspect that everyone is as disingenuous as I am.” — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
As a child I assumed that when I reached adulthood, I would have grown-up thoughts. — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“You just take and take don´t you? Out there with your thumb in the air—not a care in the world, just grabbing whatever you… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
In other parts of the country people tried to stay together for the sake of the children. In New York they tried to work… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
My boyfriend got me a computer three years ago. I'll admit it does make things a lot easier. When I was working on a… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
