Also, I used to think that one day I might get someone to iron my shirts, but the truth is I really… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
whenever I read a passage that moves me, I transcribe it in my diary, hoping my fingers might learn what excellence feels… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
I had to wrestle daily with both my inadequacy and my uncontrollable jealousy. I didn't want to kill her, but hoped someone… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
My first semester I had only nine students. Hoping they might view me as professional and well prepared, I arrived bearing name… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
Faced with an exciting question, science tended to provide the dullest possible answer. Ions might charge the air but they fell flat… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
Sometimes the sins you haven't committed are all you have to hold on to. If you're really desperate, you might need to… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
Einstein wrote that insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. That said, is it crazier… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
The walking tour guides one through the city's various landmarks, reciting bits of information the listener might find enlightening. I learned, for… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
Listen, you might want to pack a few of your things together before going to bed. The former bishop of Turkey will… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
When forced to leave my house for an extended period of time, I take my typewriter with me, and together we endure… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“Plenty of animals had pets, but few were more devoted than the mouse, who owned a baby corn snake—“A rescue snake, she’d be quick… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“never fall asleep in a Dumpster, never underestimate a bee, never drive a convertible behind a flatbed truck, never get old, never get drunk… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“It was a father, one hand resting teapot-style on his hip, and the other - what would be the spout - formed into a… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“A Japanese woman we’d met in Paris came to the apartment yesterday and spent several hours explaining our appliances. The microwave, the water kettle,… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
One thing I like about the United States, and I kind of miss about the United States, is there's an election coming up here… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
When you read comic material and people aren't laughing how do you know they're listening. — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“You have how many children in your family?" the teacher would ask. "I'm guessing you must be Catholic, am I right?” — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“Like most seasoned phonies, I roundly suspect that everyone is as disingenuous as I am.” — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
As a child I assumed that when I reached adulthood, I would have grown-up thoughts. — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“You just take and take don´t you? Out there with your thumb in the air—not a care in the world, just grabbing whatever you… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
In other parts of the country people tried to stay together for the sake of the children. In New York they tried to work… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
My boyfriend got me a computer three years ago. I'll admit it does make things a lot easier. When I was working on a… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
