The problem was that Panama technically belonged to Colombia, which refused to sign a treaty leasing it to the United States. So… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Alan Zweibel is the funniest writer in the world. He might be even funnier when he's naked, but I'm afraid to find… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
As far as outlining is concerned, I don't outline humor. I might right down a word or two to remind myself of… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
SAT tests are designed by huge panels of experts in education and psychology who work for years to design tests in which… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
If Mozart had power tools, there's no telling how great his music might have been. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
You might have mentioned this to me Molly,” said Leonard. “The fact that there are hostile natives on the island.” “I forgot,”… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Congress, after years of stalling, finally got around to clearing the way for informal discussions that might lead to possible formal talks… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
The one thing I'm terrified of trying to write about is sex. I mean my God, my wife might read it or… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
The issue we are reluctant to talk about is even more sensitive than condoms. The issue - and I will try to… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
I wrote about why I didn't think libertarians are really doing this kind of thing so that they can have sex with… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
If he (The New York Taxi Driver) talked to me, he might lose his concentration, which would be very bad because the… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
If the security personnel do their job properly, they just might cause you to miss your plane, thereby possibly saving your life. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Here's a simple experiment that you might want to try if there is absolutely nothing else going on in your life. All… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
This is true; virtually all edible substances, and many automotive products, are now marketed as being low-fat or fat-free. Americans are obsessed with fat… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
This ball was so crowded that it took me - a trained professional journalist with vast experience in this area - forty five minutes… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
The hardest thing about being a guy is that women don't accept that you really are just a simple, pathetic, labrador retriever-like creature. That… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Entire new continent can emerge from the ocean in the time it takes for a Web page to show up on your screen. Contrary… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
The major parties could conduct live human sacrifices on their podiums during prime time, and I doubt that anybody would notice. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
If you look at any list of great modern writers such as Ernest Hemingway, William Faulkner, and F. Scott Fitzgerald, you'll notice two things… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Don't you wish you had a job like mine? All you have to do is think up a certain number of words! Plus, you… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
“Despite the gulf, physical and cultural, between the United States and Japan, both societies are, in the end, made up of people, and people… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Before going on a diet you should consult your doctor, or at least send him some money. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
