Marriage Quotes by Garrison Keillor

9 Marriage quotes by Garrison Keillor

All Marriage quotes Garrison Keillor’s page

Garrison Keillor’s take on marriage mixes his signature Midwestern charm with sharp humor, offering a light‑hearted yet sincere look at shared life. These nine snippets give a taste of his storytelling style as it turns to partnership.

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There is almost no marital problem that can't be helped enormously by taking off your clothes.

Garrison Keillor

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Marriage, friends, is a lifelong feast; love is no light lunch.

Garrison Keillor

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That's why God created marriage, so people wouldn't have to fight with strangers.

Garrison Keillor

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Why is divorce so expensive? Because it's worth it!

Garrison Keillor

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Marrying for sex is like flying to London for the free peanuts and pretzels. It's not the point of the thing, is…

Garrison Keillor

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Honesty is a rare commodity in a palace, and that is why so many fairy-tale marriages end up on the rocks.

Garrison Keillor

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If the marriage needs help, the answer almost always is have more fun. Drop your list of grievances and go ride a…

Garrison Keillor

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We carry adolescence around in our bodies all our lives. Weget through the Car Crash Agealive and cruise through our early twenties…

Garrison Keillor

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A married guy is responsible for everything, no matter what. Women, thanks to their having been oppressed all these years, are blameless,…

Garrison Keillor

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More by Garrison Keillor

God writes a lot of comedy... the trouble is, he's stuck with so many bad actors who don't know how to play funny.

Garrison Keillor

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The socially redeeming aspect of golf lies in the vast number of lawyers and bankers and managers who play it, and when you think…

Garrison Keillor

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God plays a lot of jokes on us to get our attention.

Garrison Keillor

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Ha! Easy for nuns to talk about giving up things. That's what they do for a living.

Garrison Keillor

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This is the big reason most humorists fail. Drunks don't read books.

Garrison Keillor

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Before the world was made, when it was only darkness and mist and waters, God was well aware of Lake Wobegon, my family, our…

Garrison Keillor

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On investments, 1998: Where I'm from we don't trust paper. Wealth is what's here on the premises. If I open a cupboard and see,…

Garrison Keillor

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“The rich can afford to be progressive. Poor people have reason to be afraid of the future.”

Garrison Keillor

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English is the perfect language for preachers because it allows you to talk until you think of what to say.

Garrison Keillor

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“If you can't read a simple goddam sign and follow one simple goddam instruction then get your fat butt the hell out of here.”

Garrison Keillor

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“The Gospel is meant to comfort the afflicted and afflict the comfortable.”

Garrison Keillor

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I don't want them to be told to remember me.

Garrison Keillor

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Childhood is the small town everyone came from.

Garrison Keillor

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I have taken so many wrong turns and been so careless with precious things and managed to lose, or break, or leave out in…

Garrison Keillor

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Where I'm from we don't trust paper. Wealth is what's here on the premises. If I open a cupboard and see, say, thirty cans…

Garrison Keillor

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