Energy experts have announced the development of a new fuel made from human brain tissue. It's called assohol. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
My grandfather, mother and father were gifted verbally, and my mother passed that along to me. She always made sure I was… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
When Thomas Edison worked late into the night on the electric light, he had to do it by gas lamp or candle.… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I look at it this way... For centuries now, man has done everything he can to destroy, defile, and interfere with nature:… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I don't have any beliefs or allegiances. I don't believe in this country, I don't believe in religion, or a god, and… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
And what can we do to silence these Christian athletes who thank Jesus whenever they win, never mention his name when they… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
One of the effects it [cocaine] had on my personality - my moods, my behaviors - was that it inhibited me a… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
If God had intended us not to masturbate, He would have made our arms shorter. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Things I wonder about the FBI's list of the "Ten Most Wanted" criminals: When they catch a guy and he comes off… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I actually was a writer who had the ability to perform his own work as opposed to a comedian who wrote his… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Have you ever noticed that the only metaphor we have in our public discourse for solving problems is to declare war on… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
The Class Clown album was done totally sober. I'd realized what a hell I'd made for myself and I cleaned up completely… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Here's a phrase that apparently the airlines simply made up: near miss. They say that if 2 planes almost collide, it's a… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I never go anywhere or do anything that transports me outside the boundaries of my mind. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Comedy, although it is not one of the fine arts - it's a vulgar art, it's one of the people's arts, it's the spoken… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. ... These two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“TOMORROW IS ANOTHER DAY. Not true. Today is another day. We have no idea what tomorrow is going to be. It might turn out… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I was a loner as a child. I had an imaginary friend - I didn't bother with him. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“If you guys want to get a MOM tattoo and save a little money, just get two letters done. Get about a one-inch capital… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
You've built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that it's a day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday! — George Carlin Copy Share Image
It ended suddenly for Brenda, more slowly for me. My runs began getting shorter and less pleasurable. I'd feel bad after only one day,… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
The whole idea of the pursuit of goods and possessions has completely corrupted the human experience, along with religion, which I think limits the… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
![“One of the effects it [cocaine] had on my personality - my moods, my behaviors - was that it inhibited me a lot. It kind of took possibilities out of my world, and made the focus of things very narrow.” quote by George Carlin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/img-quotes/560/george-carlin-155_behavior_one-of-the-effects-it-cocaine-had-on-my_2607653.jpg)
![“Here's a phrase that apparently the airlines simply made up: near miss. They say that if 2 planes almost collide, it's a near miss. Bullshit, my friend. It's a near hit! A collision is a near miss. [WHAM! CRUNCH!] "Look, they nearly missed!" "Yes, but not quite.” quote by George Carlin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/img-quotes/982/george-carlin-155_airline_here-s-a-phrase-that-apparently-the-airl_3054131.jpg)
