I gotta tell you, I do not envy whoever they try to put in David Letterman's chair. Folks those are some huge… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
Yesterday in a 25 to 24 vote, Republicans welcomed back Lott back into their leadership and named him minority whip. That is… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
Cardinal Dolan, of course, has a very, very hard job: trying to hold up Catholic family values in sexually liberal New York… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
It's time for me to give out an award to newly elected Majority Leader John Boehner. Mr. Boehner was elected just a… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
Of course! Jeb Bush! America is hungry for another leader from that talented family! — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
“The Crusaders lead to the Knights Templar; the Knights Templar lead to the Masons; and the Masons lead to the Shriners, a… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
The lead singer of Creed says he won’t endorse President Obama. Well that settles it -- Obama will not win the 1998… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
Don't be bitter. Everybody suffers. If you can accept your suffering then you will understand other people better. Be grateful for pain. Love life. — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
Cynicism masquerades as wisdom, but it is the farthest thing from it. Because cynics don’t learn anything. Because cynicism is a self-imposed blindness, a… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
We all deserve credit for this new surveillance state that we live in because we the people voted for the Patriot Act. Democrats and… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
I've long been against illegal aliens, partly because they distract us from an even bigger threat: real aliens. — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
Believe in me, cause I don't believe in anything, and I wanna be someone to believe. — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
It's August, which means Congress is on recess and Mitch McConnell has shimmied back into the ocean to seek a mate. — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
Try to love others and serve others and hopefully find those who love and serve you in return. — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
Thirty seconds is the exact amount of time Americans can tolerate something they don't understand. — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
I used to make up stuff in my bio all the time, that I used to be a professional ice-skater and stuff like that.… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
I live by syllogisms: God is love. Love is blind. Stevie Wonder is blind. Therefore, Stevie Wonder is God. I don't know what I'd… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
“Unlike Paul Newman, who seems to think that salad dressing is the cure-all for America's ills, I'm a man of action.” — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
Now, for my younger viewers out there, a book is something we used to have before the internet. It’s sort of a blog for… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
