There was a duck and so the duck walked to the side of the road and out behind a bush came a… — Shayla Copy Share Image
I am sitting here looking at the most amazing person I have ever seen, smart, funny, caring, and absolutely stunning! Yes, I… — Ash Sweeney Copy Share Image
I'm banned from Middlebrook elementary for telling dirty jokes to the janitor. The janitor! He cleans up dirt for a living. — Thom Yorke Copy Share Image
You can go your whole life and not need math or physics for a minute, but the ability to tell a joke… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
Would like to join me? (Astrid) I think I’d look strange in a bikini. (Zarek) Was that a joke? Can it be… — Sherrilyn Kenyon Copy Share Image
I do wear wigs. ... I sometimes make the joke about me standing on a hilltop with my hair blowing in the… — Dolly Parton Copy Share Image
Many gamblers think they're being singled out by fate as a target for cruel jokes. They feel they alone in all the… — Mike Caro Copy Share Image
[When] you're dying laughing because your three-year-old made a fart joke, it doesn't matter what else is going on. That's real happiness. — Gwyneth Paltrow Copy Share Image
I find it incredibly boring when people are mean about some individuals, especially if the individual has no power. I can understand… — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
I know we're not saints or virgins or lunatics; we know all the lust and lavatory jokes, and most of the dirty… — Dylan Thomas Copy Share Image
As we approach the millennium with sort of the idea that society is going to start spiraling into chaos, I'd love to… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
An audience who watches my shows knows who I am, knows that right when they think I'm going to make a joke,… — Joss Whedon Copy Share Image
Every comedian is furious. Age makes me angry. I'm unhappy at not being able to open packages anymore. I'm angry that libraries… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
“I wonder Pa went so easy. I wonder Grampa didn' kill nobody. Nobody never tol' Grampa where to put his feet. An'… — John Steinbeck Copy Share Image
“The year that Rutherford died (1938) there disappeared forever the happy days of free scientific work which gave us such delight in… — Pyotr Kapitsa Copy Share Image
To our betters eve can reconcile ourselves, if you please--respecting them sincerely, laughing at their jokes, making allowance for their stupidities, meekly… — William Makepeace Thackeray Copy Share Image
All of Creation’s a farce. Man was born as a joke. In his head his reason is buffeted Like wind-blown smoke. Life… — William Shakespeare Copy Share Image
When you hire directors, you're most concerned about whether or not someone from the outside will get the jokes. — Adam F. Goldberg Copy Share Image
“seal. ♦◊♦◊♦◊♦ A bartender walks into a church, a temple and a mosque. He has no idea how jokes work. ♦◊♦◊♦◊♦ A… — Various Copy Share Image
For telling a good and incisive religious joke, you should be praised. For telling a bad one, you should be ridiculed and… — Rowan Atkinson Copy Share Image
I hope we find a cure for every major disease, because I'm tired of walking 5K. I'm pretty sure I don't have… — Daniel Tosh Copy Share Image
What's fascinating about doing comedy about the referendum is, because it is the first time, it is the most extraordinary atmosphere. You… — Rory Bremner Copy Share Image
Guys will definitely settle for women who get the joke. But a woman who can make you laugh? It's not high on… — Hank Azaria Copy Share Image
I started doing my own animated movies when I was in ninth grade; that's when I got the filmmaking bug. When I… — Judah Friedlander Copy Share Image
As soon as a roast is announced, I get everybody - family, friends, waitresses, cab drivers - giving me jokes about the… — Jeff Ross Copy Share Image
People joke about me that I talk in voiceovers. I have that sort of inflection. But I do talk in voiceovers. I… — Matt Nix Copy Share Image
I don't think I could ever do a network sitcom because the humor is often based on some trite circumstance. I don't… — Sherilyn Fenn Copy Share Image
Stand-up in general is the most raw form of entertainment. There is no pyrotechnics or back-up dancers, it's just live and die… — Dustin Diamond Copy Share Image
When you are sleeping, I hope I am the person that wake you up till you are showing me some saliva that… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Every since it started snowing, my little brother has been looking through the window, guess it's high time I let him inside — Avalon Copy Share Image
My family always says my voice is a gift—a precious jewel I inherited from my maternal grandma, Julia Kate Hudson. My sister… — Jennifer Hudson Copy Share Image
I don't know how to write jokes from the point of view of a six-foot-two guy. So, I'll always talk about it,… — Brad Williams Copy Share Image
If you find you are not understanding my explaination for a joke, hit F5 on your browser and the page will refresh… — Ryan North Copy Share Image
I never knew you could offend someone by masturbating. This couple just opened their closet and they look really pissed. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
The mind may be reluctant to think properly when thinking is all it is supposed to do; the task can be as… — Alain de Botton Copy Share Image
I guess the subject of race is so natural to me I never think of it as hefty. It's something I talk… — Danzy Senna Copy Share Image
It's interesting to have the awkward moments play out, and the real human interactions. The more you cut that down, you lose… — Nicholas Stoller Copy Share Image
Half of the time I don't know what they're talking about; their jokes seem to relate to a past that everyone but… — Jean Webster Copy Share Image
When we can't laugh again and again on the same joke... there's no point crying again and again for the same pain. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Challenging someone is good. You need to do it. Sometimes they don't even realize you're doing it, like when you joke with… — Sidney Crosby Copy Share Image
![“[When] you're dying laughing because your three-year-old made a fart joke, it doesn't matter what else is going on. That's real happiness.” quote by Gwyneth Paltrow](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/img-quotes/2ba/gwyneth-paltrow-1230_dying_when-you-re-dying-laughing-because-your_945697.jpg)
