Jokes Quotes · Page 58

Being a military child, we moved a lot and we developed different vernaculars from moving from the south, to the Midwest, and…

— Joe Torry

It's pretty bad that My teacher can't teach what he's teaching.

— Jade Surette

Mathematics is a collection of cheap tricks and dirty jokes.

— Lipman Bers

When I first started doing my stand-up act, I played the banjo, did comedy, magic tricks, juggled, read poetry. I stuck it…

— Steve Martin

Let me say this. [Donald] Trump is the only person that has control over what Trump does. Maybe his supporters support him…

— Jen Kirkman

I think my one of my strengths in standup is my ability to adlib. I do all my best writing on stage.…

— Henry Cho

What's worse than a bull in a china shop? A hedgehog in a condom factory.

— Anonymous

I enjoy life when things are happening. I don't care if it's good things or bad things. That means you're alive.

— Joan Rivers

... the majority of us scarcely see more distinctly the faultiness of our own conduct than the faultiness of our own arguments,…

— George Eliot

You think that sense of humor goes as far as our ideology. I think that ultimately, we have we have very interesting…

— Jon Stewart

Dad writes on sons wall Son, how have you been? Your mom & I Am fine, We miss you a lot Please…

— Troublemaker

I joke that I spent 38 years scouring the globe, going to war zones, trying to find the person with my exact birthday.

— Samantha Power

The future of this nation, with the present generation, You must admit is nothing but a joke

— Ira Gershwin

The only time I've ever been mistaken for someone else is - and this arguable still - when a person came up…

— John Hodgman

The only thing a woman wants people saying behind her back is nice ass.

— Nikhil Saluja

The whole experience of doing a sitcom is... Telling jokes with such precision is really exciting, but it's also terrifying.

— Lea Thompson

For me, I'm a fan of really dark, depressing stuff. Even something like The Wire, which can be hugely depressing and really…

— Declan Shalvey

There's no real formula for doing it, it's either just living life and writing down a joke you think of in the…

— Jeff Dunham

If I was trapped inside a room filled with explosives and the only way out was to eat a whole tomato I…

— Ramandeep Singh

When people come in to act on the show, we say, "Just be extremely dry and not funny. Let the idea be…

— Tim Heidecker

If I think of a joke that's really dirty and I think it's funny I'll try it but what I've found over…

— Demetri Martin

There used to be a joke that women need a reason to have sex, while men only need a place. Does policy…

— Rush Limbaugh

I like to put things back where I got them from when I am done using them...so I dropped your mom off…

— Carlin Whisler

Husbands are often more affected by the lack of words their wives speak, than by all nagging in the world..

— Nushra

Let face the facts A) Dogs are mans best friend B) Food is dog best friend so until you go food you…

— MrAwesome