Jokes Quotes · Page 60

The only bad part about telling blonde jokes is that IM ONE OF THEM!

— Otim Fat

Philosopher: A masochistic fool who will be considered a genius once dead.

— Nikhil Saluja

Any private security is a joke in a country where youre up against your own government.

— Bidzina Ivanishvili

Mama is funny. She has a great sense of humor and loves a good joke. Loves a practical joke, too.

— Reba McEntire

Yo mama is so stupid, she got stranded inside Walmart, slept on the floor and starved to death

— Anonymous

I can't stand not being able to joke around on set, so I have to.

— Johnny Depp

I hate it when I have a tweet in my head and my friends doesn't retweet it.

— Nikhil Saluja

Korean feminism has been swept away by popular culture. It became a sort of old-fashioned trend or a joke.

— Kim Hyesoon

They say the seeds of what we will do are in all of us, but it always seemed to me that in…

— Ernest Hemingway

Jack Benny, Fred Allen. Their jokes were wonderful. It takes skill to be funny. The timing of Jack Benny was so fine.…

— Kurt Vonnegut

I'm excited for the new crop of gay comics who have never been closeted, who never thought that they needed to put…

— Guy Branum

If people ask me about it, I think it would be great for me to be like, 'Look, [Kanye West] called me…

— Taylor Swift

I was always Armie. There couldn't be a 90-year-old Armand and a 9-day-old one. And I heard enough jokes about baking soda.

— Armie Hammer

“Whenever He answers prayers, God usually prioritizes those by people who, instead of their mouths, have prayed with their hands and/or feet.”

— Mokokoma Mokhonoana

The whole experience of doing a sitcom is... Telling jokes with such precision is really exciting, but it's also terrifying.

— Lea Thompson

I'd buy joke books and try doing them at school; I always had jokes. That would be my go-to thing at parties:…

— Drew Carey

It will startle you to see what slaves we are to by-gone times-to Death, if we give the matter the right word!…

— Nathaniel Hawthorne

Your friends are at the house.' I sit up, straight. 'Who'? 'I don't know. Weird people. The Sullivan girl, whose father got…

— Melina Marchetta

One of Still Lifes many achievements is its paradoxical mix of intensity and stillness. Alexander Longs visions of landscape, identity and "History…

— Terrance Hayes

Yes, yes, I know all the jokes. What else could I have expected at Highbury? But I went to Chelsea and to…

— Nick Hornby

Each thing I do, I rush through so I can do something else. In such a way do the days pass---a blend…

— Stephen Dobyns

Why do we need schools? Music: we have UTube. Spanish:there's Dora. English: everything's shortened anyway(lol,idk,gtg) Maths: that's why w have calculators. Geography:…

— Simi Ngr

Oh, man," Xavier groaned. "See what you've done--now I'm stressing." "You can't! You're the stable one!" Xavier laughed and I realized his…

— Alexandra Adornetto

When I'm traveling a lot the flight attendants will ask what I do and if I say I'm a magician then I…

— Justin Willman

Years ago I was a runway model, and I used to get laughs. I thought it was a joke anyway

— Nora Dunn

Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I'll show you A-flat minor.

— Nikhil Saluja

People fall in love like It's a joke. There's something wrong with you.

— Alec

Lil Wayne Be Like: Tripped On My Phone Charge Called It A Power Trip

— Lil Wayne

Dwarves are still the butt of jokes. It's one of the last bastions of acceptable prejudice.

— Peter Dinklage

Actually, I've been making jokes about the little bones in my hands; they can't handle my own power.

— Raquel Pennington

“I decided then and there never to become someone who told jokes when explanations were impossible.”

— Jonathan Safran Foer

I've always been terrible on regular sitcoms with lots of jokes. I don't know how to tell jokes.

— Rainn Wilson

He'll never be better than he is on the first date. Unless he's rich and hasn't told you yet.

— Nikhil Saluja

My background is part of my comedy. Your experiences are where the jokes come from.

— Charlie Murphy

Facts are meaningless - you could use facts to prove anything that's even remotely true!

— Nikhil Saluja

I always joke with people that having nephews is the best birth control there is.

— Tahj Mowry

Me and my girlfriend are so different, I exist but she doesn't

— Anonymous

I don't like the pressure to try to tell the best jokes. I'm not good at jokes.

— Will Forte

I'm well aware when i've to use suck me or fuck me. Yea I'm classy like that!

— Nikhil Saluja

I'm aware that I should end a joke with the good part, I choose not too.

— Daniel Tosh