I'm actually all for gay marriage. Just the thought of having a man around the house... — Daniel Tosh Copy Share Image
What did the blonde say when she saw the Cheerios box? Omg, donut seeds! — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Not every person with a mustache is a pedophile, but every pedophile has a mustache. — Foxy Copy Share Image
I always joke and say I want to invent a comfortable stiletto and then retire. — Sara Blakely Copy Share Image
Dont break anybodys heart,they have only one. break their bones they have 206:-D — Nikkie_mae Copy Share Image
Everytime someone tweet 'Love is in the air' I usually go & shave my balls. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
She'd crack A joke sharp as a tin lid Hot from the teeth of the can-opener, And cackle her crack-corn laugh. — Sharon Olds Copy Share Image
“Some disabled people spend a significant amount of their energy on trying to come across as abled or as not that disabled.” — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
If something stinks, I say it stinks. But I try to massage it a little and not be as cutting, come behind… — Wanda Sykes Copy Share Image
There is an old joke that went around- it goes, in the beginning God made man in His own image, and since… — Alistair Begg Copy Share Image
Comedians get jokes offered to them, rock stars get women and underwear thrown onstage, and I get guys that want to take… — Les Claypool Copy Share Image
Why would you want to work for a living if you could just joke around? Being a celebrity expands your commercial possibilities. — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
I have a no-apology policy. No apologies for jokes. I apologize in my real life all the time. I say ridiculous things,… — Kathy Griffin Copy Share Image
White parents use time out. My mom used a different type of time out. She'd be like, 'There...take time out to pick… — Martin Lawrence Copy Share Image
Writing a book has about it some of the anxiety of telling a joke and having to wait several years to know… — Alain de Botton Copy Share Image
I sing songs from the theater and pop songs. When I say 'pop songs,' I mean from the 90's. And I tell… — Laura Benanti Copy Share Image
M.I.T.: I had a nervous breakdown this weekend. Have some fries. Caltech: I had three nervous breakdowns this weekend. Have some fries.… — Kevin Copy Share Image
The one thing I've found you really can't joke about - and people think it's death or something - is money. No… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
A few years ago we said, 'Hail Guru Ram Das and heal the world.' It looked like a joke at that time.… — Harbhajan Singh Yogi Copy Share Image
“So you're really going to the dance?" I nodded as I sipped from the mug. "Alone?" "Not technically.There should be other people… — Brodi Ashton Copy Share Image
This is our lance. See, you're making me laugh about this now, because there have been a few jokes on the set… — Kevin Sorbo Copy Share Image
In all the works on pedagogy that ever I read — and they have been many, big, and heavy — I don't… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I could get you to smile like that, and without sales tax." I whirled around to find the real Patch standing in… — Becca Fitzpatrick Copy Share Image
