There are a hell of a lot of jobs that are scarier than live comedy. Like standing in the operating room when… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
I'm doing everything I can to sabotage my career. It's a little thing called "fear of success". — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
There's always anxiety when you start a new job, you're the one guy who doesn't know where the ketchup is. — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
President Bush's approval ratings have taken somewhat of a dive. A senior slump, if you will. Leading President Bush to one conclusion:… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
Republicans are no longer allowed to say that people are rich. You have to refer to them as 'job creator.' You can't… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
I know that my job is to perform, it wouldn't be a very interesting show if I just came out one day… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
I feel like the only thing that I can do, and I've been fired from enough jobs, that I'm pretty confident in… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
Michael Brown, the director of FEMA, was nominated by President Bush in 2003 and plans to start the job any day now.… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
If I was to really get at the burr in my saddle, it's not politics - and this is, I think, probably… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
Trent Lott has regained a position of leadership. He was the former majority leader who lost his post for racially insensitive commentary.… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
I don't know how people feel,that's the beauty of TV, is they can see us, but we can't see them. — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
I reject the idea there are just two sides. I think that with the amount of ideas and thoughts there are, it's not even… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
Megachurches. I can't be the only one frightened when our houses of worship sound like they could take on Godzilla. — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
While opponents label (Howard) Dean a throwback liberal, The New York Times recently noted that as governor, Dean cut income taxes, reformed welfare and… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
You just have to keep trying to do good work, and hope that it leads to more good work. I want to look back… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
You know, in Saudi Arabia, you're innocent until proven Jewish. Female. Guilty! They're guilty! — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
The unfortunate, yet truly exciting thing about your life, is that there is no core curriculum. The entire place is an elective. — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
Do you guys have to sell everything? I'd like to buy the Earth's core. — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
Christmas and the New Year are actually two holidays. So there is a plural, which in the English language, necessitates the use of 's.'… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
