If you think your demeanor is mellow or not particularly charismatic, the material can life you higher. So write everyday, and get… — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
If you lie to a person at least tell someone else you've lied to the truth. It balances out your karma. — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
If haters or whatever want to find you - I mean, some of them are so tenacious. You want to hire them… — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
I don't like people that litter. If you don't throw a wrapper in the trashcan and you just toss it out on… — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
You can easily tell if a person is lying and cheating on you if they say, I love you. I would never… — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
I got home from work today and took like a one hundred hour nap. No you did not. You'd be very sick… — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
It's hard to be happy for someone when you know deep down they'd kill you if they had the chance. — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
Ex-girlfriends will find themselves in my new routine. Sometimes they like that, and sometimes they definitely do not. But comedians should come… — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
A lot of comics are kind of vampire types; we do our shows and disappear into the night. My philosophy was, this… — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
If my voice can resonate that way with kids, maybe it will resonate through 'Planes' as well, and they'll hear that little… — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
I don't hate anyone. I simply block them out using hellish visions in a blind white rage. But if I see them… — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
The problem with dating a model is they won't go out with you if your cars color doesn't match their outfit. — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
I'm interested in doing anything and everything that I can to squeeze the creativity out of my brain. I guess I'm kind… — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
We never had a pool, right. So one summer, I remember. My dad, to make me happy. You know I was bummed… — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
If you live far away from a person you no longer want to date just let them know that they are geographically… — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
I'm in a new club, by the way. And I don't know if you're first timers like I am, but I'm in… — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
I once overheard the sweetest old woman behind me on a train tell her adorable old husband as he scoffed down a… — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
If you have to be at work at 8, it's always like, 7:54. Just enough time to do nothing. To just lay… — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
If you're drunk please don't drive. If you're on shrooms please don't think Walmart's a prison for bad clothing that needs help… — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
My brain is very fantastical. If I ever actually recorded myself, I could probably win a Grammy for sex talk. Being on… — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
You know what I'd like to be able to do more than anything else? I'd love to be able to shoot spaghetti… — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
You must accept responsibility for your actions. This doesn't include reactions, interactions or transactions if you're thinkin' loophole. — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
We all hope for breakthrough rebirth moments. When you're headed for a breakthrough moment, it's kind of scary because you say, 'If… — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
Let's talk a little about love. Sometimes you meet somebody and you have what is known as a relationship and things can… — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
Some people give you that motivation to work harder simply to get the hell away from wherever they are. — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
Every great thing starts with an idea, followed by a doubt and finally a resolve to abandon or pursue. Victory is a treacherous journey. — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
My real first job was delivering newspapers with I was 15. I would ride my bike around and chuck papers at people's houses. The… — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
I do think I am funny, or I wouldn't be where I am today. I do think there is always room for improvement and… — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
If you think your demeanor is mellow or not particularly charismatic, the material can life you higher. So write everyday, and get onstage or… — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
If you lie to a person at least tell someone else you've lied to the truth. It balances out your karma. — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
Trolls look for reasons to hate but really what they are mad at is the fact they are not included in anything ever. — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
In school I was pretty quiet. Kinda shy until my junior year. But at home I was a freak. — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
Strip clubs are great places to meet interesting people you only wanna know for about 40 minutes. — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
