Trolls look for reasons to hate but really what they are mad at is the fact they are not included in anything… — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
Sometimes, like we all do, I look at myself in the mirror. Sometimes I cry. Like a really hard cry like you… — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
I can't watch a woman play with herself - to me, it looks like a DJ working the turntables... DJ Diddles. — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
Some girls look beautiful with no makeup on at all. I call them lazy. Now go throw some war paint on you… — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
I had one job that was kind of cop-like. One summer I did security at a miniature golf course. Just standing out… — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
Then it was snack time, right in the middle of mass. Right out of nowhere, the priest would look down and say,… — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
When I'm looking for hot button answers to tough questions, I don't look to congressman or my mayor. I say, 'What would… — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
A couple of days back, I got into a car accident. Not my fault. Even if it's not your fault, the other… — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
Nice teeth is a turn on for me. If you open your mouth and it looks like a battle of epic proportions,… — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
Some people give you that motivation to work harder simply to get the hell away from wherever they are. — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
Every great thing starts with an idea, followed by a doubt and finally a resolve to abandon or pursue. Victory is a treacherous journey. — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
My real first job was delivering newspapers with I was 15. I would ride my bike around and chuck papers at people's houses. The… — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
I do think I am funny, or I wouldn't be where I am today. I do think there is always room for improvement and… — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
If you think your demeanor is mellow or not particularly charismatic, the material can life you higher. So write everyday, and get onstage or… — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
If you lie to a person at least tell someone else you've lied to the truth. It balances out your karma. — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
Trolls look for reasons to hate but really what they are mad at is the fact they are not included in anything ever. — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
In school I was pretty quiet. Kinda shy until my junior year. But at home I was a freak. — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
Strip clubs are great places to meet interesting people you only wanna know for about 40 minutes. — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
