Some people have constipation of the brain but their mouth has the runs. — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
Every joke has its origin - the punching people in the face joke. It hurts like hell to get punched in the… — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
Some people give you that motivation to work harder simply to get the hell away from wherever they are. — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
You are the director of your own life story. Don't cast idiots or people will walk out during your 2nd act. — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
Strip clubs are great places to meet interesting people you only wanna know for about 40 minutes. — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
Even when I go to a salad bar, I need to feel like I'm one of the first people there. — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
Video games don't make people go nuts. I played Super Mario forever. Not once hopping on a turtle or smash my head… — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
I think that people who do enjoy my stand-up comedy and the people who get it and the people who are taken… — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
I feel like I was born and bred to stay self-motivated. I'm not one of those people who ho-hums and feels sorry… — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
You can try to steal the thunder all you want, it just reminds people I'm the lightning. You rumble in the distance.… — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
A lot of comics are kind of vampire types; we do our shows and disappear into the night. My philosophy was, this… — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
I don't like people that litter. If you don't throw a wrapper in the trashcan and you just toss it out on… — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
There were times, earlier in my career, where I didn't have the wherewithal to self-edit, and I probably said things and pushed… — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
You have to realize, when you're a comedian, that you have to have a thick skin. And trust me, being onstage in… — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
I do try to keep my show very improvisational. I don't work off a set list; I like to keep it more… — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
It was peace. Peace is when you would shake the hands of the people around you. And you knew peace was coming… — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
Time machine... wouldn't you like to travel through time? I would. I'd go back... mess with people. You know what I would… — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
When you're not in love, when you don't have love, everybody you know falls in love on like the same day -… — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
My real first job was delivering newspapers with I was 15. I would ride my bike around and chuck papers at people's… — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
I say it with my tongue firmly planted in cheek but there's truth to it - being a comedian is very close… — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
I can't relate to the idea of suicide. I guess I'm just one of those people that is always optimistic and upbeat.… — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
After you have loss in your life and after you experience something like losing your parents, the greatest gift of that was… — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
When you're not in love, when you don't have love, everybody you know falls in love. — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
I like fearless characters, people just not afraid to do anything it takes to make people laugh. — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
When people refer to 'Back in the Day,' it was a Wednesday. Just a little fun fact for you. — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
The key to attempting to create art in some aspect is also knowing that it will turn some people off. — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
It's amazing how dumb people can impress you with how much stupider they can be when they really assert themselves. — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
I feel like people who don't brag are trying to make you jealous by thinking they're hiding something more even exciting. — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
I am an observer, I like to watch people. I am into psychology and people - how they act and such. — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
I'm sure that people who have been tweeting funny things have ended up on writing staffs of a late night show. — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
I don't know if I could kill someone with a frozen turkey because that is a lot of evidence to eat …… — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
I have faith in all mankind. Well,not faith really, more like hopeful suspicion. And not "all" but 5 people. Mankind meaning computers. — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
I want to be able to challenge myself. And do things that are away from what I usually do. Stand-up is safe… — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
Comedy crowds - we always want to come out and ask you, 'How you feeling?' We always say that, 'By a round… — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
Some people give you that motivation to work harder simply to get the hell away from wherever they are. — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
Every great thing starts with an idea, followed by a doubt and finally a resolve to abandon or pursue. Victory is a treacherous journey. — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
My real first job was delivering newspapers with I was 15. I would ride my bike around and chuck papers at people's houses. The… — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
I do think I am funny, or I wouldn't be where I am today. I do think there is always room for improvement and… — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
If you think your demeanor is mellow or not particularly charismatic, the material can life you higher. So write everyday, and get onstage or… — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
If you lie to a person at least tell someone else you've lied to the truth. It balances out your karma. — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
Trolls look for reasons to hate but really what they are mad at is the fact they are not included in anything ever. — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
In school I was pretty quiet. Kinda shy until my junior year. But at home I was a freak. — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
Strip clubs are great places to meet interesting people you only wanna know for about 40 minutes. — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
![“After you have loss in your life and after you experience something like losing your parents, the greatest gift of that was it prepared me for [anything]. Nothing else is as scary, and certainly stand-up comedy is not as scary as sitting there with your mom and having to have last conversations…” quote by Dane Cook](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/img-quotes/2cf/dane-cook-1394_comedy_after-you-have-loss-in-your-life-and-aft_1568890.jpg)
