Ass Quote by Dane Cook

“Time machine... wouldn't you like to travel through time? I would. I'd go back... mess with people. You know what I would do? I would go back to when my mom and dad were having sex, to have me. Ya'know, come in, spank my dad on the ass I'm your son from the future! Ahaha!”

Dane Cook

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Ass Computers Dad Having sex Knows Machines Mess Mom Mom and dad My dad My mom People Rough times Sex Son Time Time machine Your son

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Some people give you that motivation to work harder simply to get the hell away from wherever they are.

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I get so into the moment.

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Every great thing starts with an idea, followed by a doubt and finally a resolve to abandon or pursue. Victory is a treacherous journey.

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I'm not giving up on life. I'm giving up on today.

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If you lie to a person at least tell someone else you've lied to the truth. It balances out your karma.

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Trolls look for reasons to hate but really what they are mad at is the fact they are not included in anything ever.

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In school I was pretty quiet. Kinda shy until my junior year. But at home I was a freak.

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Strip clubs are great places to meet interesting people you only wanna know for about 40 minutes.

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I named my son Noah for the same reason Chris Martin named his apple: we're asses.

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Apuleius married a rich widow, then wrote _The Golden Ass_.

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What is this world?--A term which men have got, To signify not one in ten knows what; A term, which with no more precision…

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Whoa. He had ghouls on speed dial. My lawyer kicks so much ass.

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Don't fire until you see the whites of their eyes!

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“Employment is an employee’s kissing of an employer’s ass. A salary is the employer’s pretense to be cleaning his ass.”

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I just had a pedicure. My feet are soft like a baby's behind. If his ass was covered in calluses.

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Ass Quote by Dane Cook

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