Adorable Quote by Dane Cook

Sal and I were in the mall just shopping, and we're walking through this retail store and little old lady goes 'NO! You're not…

— Joe Gatto

My wife had a go at me last night. She said, Youll drive me to my grave. I had the car out in thirty…

— Tommy Cooper

Once, I was up north with friends and, after dinner, one lady who was at the table said, 'Would you sing for me?' and…

— Anne Murray

“Jim, did your father really blow his brains out because of your mother?" "Yeah.He was on the telephone.He told her he had a gun.He…

— Charles Bukowski

My mother told me I said to her, at age three, 'I'm going to go to Italy and get my father in a tractor.'…

— Roger Waters

“I did the only thing I could. I said the dumbest thing any man has ever said to a woman, “Yeah, it’s just me…

— Amanda Hamm

Mom put dense cheddar bread into a bag for a man who said this was his wife's favorite - he'd driven all the way…

— Joan Bauer

“The old woman had an old dog, but he hardly counted any more. He was so old that he looked like a stuffed dog.…

— Richard Brautigan

“Would you believe I was in the neighborhood?” “No." “Well, how about that I needed to see you.” “Why? Did one of my neighbors…

— Leslie Parrish

“My brother threw up his hands. "What does a woman need to do, Harry? Rip her clothes off, throw herself on top of you,…

— Jim Butcher

A lady came up to me on the street and pointed at my suede jacket. 'You know a cow was murdered for that jacket?'…

— Anonymous

“Does your mother know that you're carrying a gun? I'm going to tell her. I'm going to call and tell her right now." She…

— Janet Evanovich