Humour Quotes · Page 46

If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.

— Groucho Marx

“Last year I was 60 lbs. This year I'm 80 lbs and I grew taller. YES!”

— Dreamer Girl

“I haven't been wrong since 1961, when I thought I made a mistake.”

— Bob Hudson

“[He]said something that made it impossible to continue working for him.[The exact words were]You're fired.”

— Christopher Hitchens

“When Johnny Depp saw it, he was so excited he fluffed up to twice his normal size.”

— Diane Messidoro

I walked about 55 kilometers and was awake for 25 hours. Now I have to think about setting a sleeping record.

— Ehsan Ghaem-Maghami

The ability to convey an idea with humour is a rare gift.

— Kishore Bansal

“I ain’t scared to lend a hand I ain’t scared to clench it either”

— Mie Hansson

“Isn't that petty?" "Anna, you have not yet seen pettiness. When a couple of tough guys like the general and Lugala Tsu…

— Eleanor Arnason

“Most human beings would have never been pained by the death of a human being if they had never seen a human…

— Mokokoma Mokhonoana

“Oh my God. Party punch. He’d brought a woman with the social age of twelve to the Citadel. He deserved everything he…

— Annabel Joseph

“Technically, you don't pay me. And technically, most of what I do is "think." I...rrr. ummm. And when you get right down…

— Howard Tayler

We owe to one another all the wit and good humour we can command; and nothing so clears our mental vistas as…

— Agnes Repplier

“I can recall quite clearly the journey from Omaha to San Francisco which I made with the opera troupe; God had created…

— Peter Ackroyd

Memmius would only be useless to him for a short time, but that he would remain useless to himself and the Republic…

— Scipio Africanus

“We’re adults. I might be a little more of an adult if you’re counting years but I bet I have a lower…

— Robyn Carr

“Much has been written on the excellence of bats' navigation equipment. It is all false. Tropical bats spend their entire time flying…

— Nigel Barley

“Ought a woman to disclose her frailties earlier than the wedding day? Few husbands, I assure you, make the discovery in such…

— Nathaniel Hawthorne

“Oh, those hateful sods will never make it to Heaven. They’re all on an express elevator to the gay spit-roast dungeon in…

— Michael Logan

It seems like it has kind of taken off where people are saying 'oh it's a female character' and it just kind…

— Eiji Aonuma

“it seems to me that the English aristocracy is not only the type, but is the crown and flower of all actual…

— G.K. Chesterton

“Boys", Buffy hissed through clenched teeth, "being quiet is an important part of sneaking." "Oh, sorry", Xander said, reducing his voice to…

— Alice Henderson

“Russ decided the best defense was a good offense. "I'm Russell Van Alstyne, Millers Kill chief of police." He held out his…

— Julia Spencer-Fleming

“[Kendra] also referred to Tizoc Theron, one of the most powerful mercenaries in all of vampiric existence, as her "Tizzy". The Inquisition…

— Amelia Atwater-Rhodes

“Now what?” asked Fat Charlie. “Shall we all join hands and contact the living?”

— Neil Gaiman

Fancy and humour, early and constantly indulged in, may expect an old age overrun with follies.

— Isaac Watts

“When it comes to cleverness, I'm afraid that I was limited to alternate tuesdays...”

— Anonymous

“You realise you’re going to owe me dinner after this, right?” “How does McDonald’s sound?” “Inadequate.”

— Sarah Mayberry

Humour in its highest reach mingles with pathos: it voices sorrow for our human lot and reconciliation with it.

— Stephen Leacock

There is no accounting for taste and no taste for accounting.

— Kevin Byrne

For me it's the funniest show on TV. 'Benidorm' is such old-school, 'Carry On,' panto humour. It's so warm.

— Martin Kemp

The whole [Scotch] nation hitherto has been void of wit and humour, and even incapable of relishing it.

— Horace Walpole

“Does that mean that if we shave all the Ob'enn they'll be nice?”

— Howard Tayler

“All I know about humour is that I don't know anything about it.”

— Fred Allen

“Ender began to eat, slowly and carefully, pretending not to notice he was the center of attention.”

— Orson Scott Card

Is not the decisive difference between comedy and tragedy that tragedy denies us another chance?

— John Updike

The humour of Dostoievsky is the humour of a barloafer who ties a kettle to a dog's tail.

— W. Somerset Maugham

“He was pretty sure he hadn't dozed off as a snake. Usually, he slept like a dog.”

— Rick Riordan

I think the source of SpongeBob's humour is classic, and that's always appealing.

— Stephen Hillenburg

“After Puckoon I swore I'd never write another book. This is it”

— Spike Milligan