Stephen Leacock

My parents migrated to Canada in 1876, and I decided to go with them.

— Stephen Leacock

You frequently ask, where are the friends of your childhood, and urge that they shall be brought back to you. As far…

— Stephen Leacock

The parent who could see his boy as he really is, would shake his head and say: 'Willie is no good; I'll…

— Stephen Leacock

It's called political economy because it is has nothing to do with either politics or economy.

— Stephen Leacock

How can you shorten the subject? That stern struggle with the multiplication table, for many people not yet ended in victory, how…

— Stephen Leacock

A silk dress in four sections, and shoes with high heels that would have broken the heart of John Calvin.

— Stephen Leacock

Humor may be defined as the kindly contemplation of the incongruities of life, and the artistic expression thereof.

— Stephen Leacock

Chess is one long regret.

— Stephen Leacock

A lone maple leaf resting on sand Have you ever been out for a late autumn walk in the closing part of…

— Stephen Leacock

In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.

— Stephen Leacock

“Suppose a would-be writer can't begin? I really believe there are many excellent writers who have never written because they never could…

— Stephen Leacock

We think of the noble object for which the professor appears tonight, we may be assured that the Lord will forgive any…

— Stephen Leacock

Many a man in love with a dimple makes the mistake of marrying the whole girl.

— Stephen Leacock

The writing of solid, instructive stuff fortified by facts and figures is easy enough. There is no trouble in writing a scientific…

— Stephen Leacock

Advertising: the science of arresting the human intelligence long enough to get money from it.

— Stephen Leacock

To write well it is first necessary to have something to say.

— Stephen Leacock

Newspapermen learn to call a murderer "an alleged murderer" and the King of England "the alleged King of England" in order to…

— Stephen Leacock

Advertising may be described as the science of arresting the human intelligence long enough to get money from it.

— Stephen Leacock

Humour in its highest reach mingles with pathos: it voices sorrow for our human lot and reconciliation with it.

— Stephen Leacock

Most people can tire of a lecture in fifteen minutes, clever people can do it in five, and sensible people don't go…

— Stephen Leacock

“A sportsman is a man who, every now and then, simply has to go out and kill something.”

— Stephen Leacock

The great man... walks across his century and leaves the marks of his feet all over it, ripping out the dates on…

— Stephen Leacock

A sportsman is a man who, every now and then, simply has to get out and kill something.

— Stephen Leacock

If I were founding a university I would begin with a smoking room; next a dormitory; and then a decent reading room…

— Stephen Leacock

There is an old motto that runs, "If at first you don't succeed, try, try again." This is nonsense. It ought to…

— Stephen Leacock