Stephen Leacock

In Canada we have enough to do keeping up with two spoken languages ... so we just go right ahead and use…

— Stephen Leacock

Each section of the British Isles has its own way of laughing, except Wales, which doesn't.

— Stephen Leacock

“concealed from view a face so face-like in its appearance as to be positively facial.”

— Stephen Leacock

I am what is called a professor emeritus—from the Latin e, 'out,' and meritus, 'so he ought to be.

— Stephen Leacock

In point of morals, the average woman is, even for business, too crooked.

— Stephen Leacock

The minute a man is convinced he is interesting, he isn't.

— Stephen Leacock

There are two things in ordinary conversation which ordinary people dislike - information and wit

— Stephen Leacock

We can no longer communicate with the apes by direct language, nor can we understand, without special study, their modes of communication…

— Stephen Leacock

“If their occupation is actual work they prefer to pump water into cisterns, two of which leak through holes in the bottom…

— Stephen Leacock

It was Einstein who made the real trouble. He announced in 1905 that there was no such thing as absolute rest. After…

— Stephen Leacock

Success is 10% inspiration and 90% perspiration.

— Stephen Leacock

Indeed I have always found that the only thing in regard to Toronto which faraway people know for certain is that McGill…

— Stephen Leacock

The classical scholars have kept alive the tradition of the superiority of the ancient languages -- a kaleidoscopic mass of suffixes and…

— Stephen Leacock

A barber is by nature and inclination a sport. He can tell you at what exact hour the ball game is to…

— Stephen Leacock

Too much has been said of the heroes of history-the strong men, the troublesome men; too little of the amiable, the kindly,…

— Stephen Leacock

Men are able to trust one another, knowing the exact degree of dishonesty they are entitled to expect.

— Stephen Leacock

When actors begin to think, it's time for a change. They are not fitted for it.

— Stephen Leacock

Electricity is of two kinds, positive and negative. The difference is, I presume, that one comes a little more expensive, but is…

— Stephen Leacock

Newspapermen learn to call a murderer "an alleged murderer" and the King of England "the alleged King of England" to avoid libel…

— Stephen Leacock

I owe a lot to my teachers and mean to pay them back some day.

— Stephen Leacock

“Many a man inlove with a dimple makes the mistake of marring the whole Girl”

— Stephen Leacock

All Dickens's humour couldn't save Dickens, save him from his overcrowded life, its sordid and neurotic central tragedy and its premature collapse.…

— Stephen Leacock

Golf may be played on Sunday, not being a game within the view of the law, but being a form of moral…

— Stephen Leacock

The attempt to make the consumption of beer criminal is as silly and as futile as if you passed a law to…

— Stephen Leacock

“We always speak of Canada as a new country. In one sense, of course, this is true. The settlement of Europeans on…

— Stephen Leacock