Humour Quotes

Only six need be attempted.

— Bertrand Russell

“I'm just talking Crazy...”

— Phineas Waldof Steel

“ITS nice to be NICE.”

— shaikh mustafa

“Follow that coffeehouse.”

— Frances Hardinge

“Death by creaming”

— Yvonne Leishman

My humour is spot on.

— Michelle Visage

“The arkleseizure cometh!”

— Douglas Adams

“Never say no to now”

— Benny Bellamacina

-Are you thinking of your undying love? -No, it died

— Cherry-mae Whitehead Migle Kacenaite

“Oh, we were a degree or two hotter than improper.”

— Peter Carey

“I'm on a whisky diet. I've lost three days already.”

— Tommy Cooper

A fool always finds a greater fool to admire him.

— Anonymous

“Life is a sentence without any fullstops.”

— Danish Sayanee

“Fight Apathy! ... or don't.”

— Fallout New Vegas Graffiti

“What in cat hell just happened?”

— Sarah Jane Avory

Adam met Eve --and then--Adam turned a new leaf !!!!!!

— Rajendra Kumar

“Your king is SUPPOSED to explode? What kind of government system is that?”

— Jefferson Smith

“This is Sailor Supergirl,” George says. “She knows all about black holes.”

— Huntley Fitzpatrick

“We are sometimes dragged into a pit of unhappiness by someone else’s opinion that we do not look happy.”

— Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Lincoln would be just like me. He wouldn't know what the hell to do.

— George W. Norris

“The expected has happened, and when the expected happens, it always causes me emotion.”

— Agatha Christie

“If you cannot find an element of Humour in something, your not taking it seriously enough.”

— Ilyas Kassam

“Most priests wish they were as righteous as they seem to most members of their congregations.”

— Mokokoma Mokhonoana

“I’m not aspiring to be someone else – If I’m me for the rest of my life then so be it”

— Terry Lander

“Darling, you know what they say. You have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince.” I give her…

— E.L. James

I like to think that even with some of the more intense ones sometimes there is humour in there, you try to…

— Ray Liotta

“No," he said, and he snapped his fingers. "You'll come work for me at K----. And be a real associate editor." I…

— Melissa Bank

“Nahum bobbed again. 'My crest is cropped by croaking cranes. I go to drown in doleful dumps, dead-drunk with drearihead.”

— John Bellairs

“It bears repeating a third time: Not being funny doesn't make you a bad person. Not having a sense of humour does.”

— David Rakoff

“I was taught never to make a threat unless you are prepared to carry it out and I am not a fan…

— David Thorne

“Victor Vigny: A monkey glances up and sees a banana, and that's as far as he looks. A visionary looks up and…

— Eoin Colfer

“Last time I saw her, she was peeking out from one of the bookcases next to the fireplace. She's the first cat…

— Ellen Hart

“It might have interested Newt to know that, of the thirty-nine thousand women tested with the pin during the centuries of witch-hunting,…

— Terry Pratchett

“Around 11 P.M., unable to concentrate on his work or even watch the news, he had started to wonder if this was…

— Richard Castle

“You need not treat me like a child, sir. I am perfectly capable of navigating this staircase on my own." He snorted.…

— Karen Witemeyer

“Due to budget constraints I've rewritten the script, condensing all four of the Twilight Opuses into one epic screenplay. We'll shoot it…

— Lola Salt

“Do not demean yourself by stating the ridiculous," Grimalkin replied smoothly. Just because my species is vastly superior does not mean you…

— Julie Kagawa

“My mortgage isn’t getting any cheaper and I can’t run that Ferrari on faith alone," Reverend Jones said. "Don’t get me wrong,…

— Mark Jackman

“But in every church there are people who, for reasons which seem sufficient to them, do not approve of their pastor and…

— Robertson Davies

“If you're going to live here, staying civil is as much a duty as sitting the steps or washing dishes. Now, while…

— Scott Lynch