I'm just trying to suppress my natural impulses and get back to work. — William J. Clinton Copy Share Image
If it is gay, ribald and lascivious night-life you are after, Israel is not the place for you. The night clubs you… — George Mikes Copy Share Image
“It saddened me that sometimes shopping was far more perilous than dealing with zombies and vampires.” — Anton Strout Copy Share Image
Take motherhood: nobody ever thought of putting it on a moral pedestal until some brash feminists pointed out, about a century ago,… — Barbara Ehrenreich Copy Share Image
In my serious work I am striving for the essence of things and for goals which are possibly unobtainable. On the other… — Philippe Halsman Copy Share Image
One of the first things they teach you in Driver's Ed is where to put your hands on the steering wheel. They… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
So she went into the garden to cut a cabbage leaf to make an apple pie; and at the same time a… — Samuel Foote Copy Share Image
When life hands you lemons, squirt the juice in your eye..the stinging sensation will stop your whining. . . — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Newtons third law of love: For every Idiot, there is an equal and opposite Gender Idiot! — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I've no time for broads who want to rule the world alone. Without men, who'd do up the zipper on the back… — Mae West Copy Share Image
“We are way less likely to love someone just because they love us than we are to hate someone just because they… — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
In France, for example, it is not unusual for a husband to have a wife and a mistress. However, if in addition… — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
“Hope was like frogs praying for wings so they didn't bump their asses when they hopped” — Sherri Desbois Copy Share Image
Thou shall not kill. Thou shall not commit adultery. Don't eat pork. I'm sorry, what was that last one?? Don't eat pork.… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
Have a happy Mother's Day before your kids reach an age when they're completely jaded about Mother's Day. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Men always want to be a woman’s first love. That is their clumsy vanity. We women have a more subtle instinct about… — Oscar Wilde Copy Share Image
In TV today, you can say I pricked my finger, but you can't say it the other way around. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“Family we cannot always choose, but it sure is fun to try and make them laugh during dinners. Especially when they are… — Tom Althouse Copy Share Image
When you look at the average American you realize there's nothing nature enjoys more than a good joke. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
If you appeal to the crowd, either by being humorous or brutal or eccentric, you gain favor. — Suzanne Collins Copy Share Image
His neighbor is a tooth-drawer. That bag at his girdle is full of the teeth that he drew at Winchester fair. I… — Arthur Conan Doyle Copy Share Image
It was decided almost two hundred years ago that English should be the language spoken in the United States. It is not… — George Mikes Copy Share Image
