Here was my first lesson on the resolutely maintained untidiness and ill-health of the English upper orders. In baggy evening dress and… — Clive James Copy Share Image
If one tends to be a humorous person and you have a sense of humor the rest of your life then you… — Alan Thicke Copy Share Image
Never say a humorous thing to a man who does not possess humour: he will always use it in evidence against you. — Herbert Beerbohm Tree Copy Share Image
But soft you, the fair Ophelia: Ope not thy ponderous and marble jaws, But get thee to a nunnery - go! — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
“Another example of getting flack from the boys is what happened when Jack Black dumped me. That’s right. I fucked Jack Black.… — Kathy Griffin Copy Share Image
For all the love you've given me, I will one day pay your nursing home bill. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“Don’t tell me you have OCD about this?” “OCD, ADHD—pretty sure if they come up with some new acronym tomorrow I’d have… — Cyma Rizwaan Khan Copy Share Image
“Some disabled people spend a significant amount of their energy on trying to come across as abled or as not that disabled.” — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
A lady came up to me one day and said 'Sir! You are drunk', to which I replied 'I am drunk today… — Winston Churchill Copy Share Image
The church is like manure. Pile it up, and it stinks up the neighborhood. Spread it out, and it enriches the world. — Luis Palau Copy Share Image
“Darcy’s hand suddenly rammed angrily into a bowl of fruit and grasped an innocent, unsuspecting orange. “Enough. The woman is demented. Our… — Karen V. Wasylowski Copy Share Image
“Does the world really need another long essay on environmental archaeology and freshwater mollusks? Well, it's going to get one, whether it… — Elly Griffiths Copy Share Image
“It’s SpongeBob, Eleanor,” he said, speaking very slowly and clearly as though I were some sort of idiot. “SpongeBob SquarePants?” A semi-human… — Gail Honeyman Copy Share Image
If it is a joint return, we are instructed to print the given names of both husband and wife. But since some… — W. C. Fields Copy Share Image
The Christian church is a society of sinners. It is the only society in the world membership in which is based upon… — Charles Clayton Morrison Copy Share Image
“They were even talking about buying a bodyguard, can you believe it? I mean, what on earth would I look like, turning… — Sophie Kinsella Copy Share Image
“Overflowing with the milk of human kindness, the family had invited everyone they could think of, including people they cordially disliked.” — Gerald Durrell Copy Share Image
It has long been recognized by public men of all kinds. . . that statistics come under the head of lying, and… — Hilaire Belloc Copy Share Image
“Frankly, I've worked my whole life to not be adorable with only limited success, and two adorable people dating is waaaay too… — Hank Green Copy Share Image
“On a cooler sun on a primordial earth: "I later learned that biologists, when they are feeling jocose, refer to this as… — Bill Bryson Copy Share Image
“Yes, magnifliant. Magnificent, brilliant, splendid, superb. I could go on.” — Ally Broadfield Copy Share Image
The sky was of the deepest blue, with a few white, fleecy clouds drifting lazily across it, and the air was filled… — Arthur Conan Doyle Copy Share Image
