When you consider the opportunity and power He had to really do a job, and then look at the stupid, ugly little… — Joseph Heller Copy Share Image
Whenever your kids are out of control, you can take comfort from the thought that even God's omnipotence did not extend to… — Bill Cosby Copy Share Image
“We are sometimes depressed by our failure to convince people who strongly believe that we are that we are definitely not depressed.” — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
“I sensed more than recognized the sound of those skeletal knuckles on the door. I was too young for it to be… — Dan Skinner Copy Share Image
“In the beginning was the word, and that word was probably misconstrued by someone who then made it into a personal issue… — Ade Bozzay Copy Share Image
“Try again. No no no, eyes up, eyes up! When you bow to someone you look at them, not at the floor.… — Stephen Deas Copy Share Image
“Finding out that you are not your lover’s only lover hurts, but not as much as discovering that you are the side… — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
“Character and Plot...Character and Plot Some writers have it and some do not This I'll tell you Brother You can't have one… — Johnny Flora Copy Share Image
My dad is a very quick-witted, sarcastic, dry, humorous guy, whereas my mom's very silly, and that side of the family is… — Tim Heidecker Copy Share Image
Get your mind unbound and free; and then from the loosest, highest, best place you have, with the fastest and most humorous… — Stephen Gaskin Copy Share Image
Like most people who smoked umpteen cigarettes a day, I tasted only the first one. The succeeding umpteen minus one were a… — Clive James Copy Share Image
“Loneliness tortures many if not most of the elderly more intensely and more frequently than it torments many if not most of… — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
I'm not saying that women don't think about sex also. I'm saying that women are capable, for at least brief periods of… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
“Many obese people spend a significant amount of their energy on suppressing the urge to tell some of the people who are… — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
“Albert Camus did not know he was summing up modern photojournalism when he wrote:"Will I kill myself or have a cup of… — Sacha Hartgers Copy Share Image
The conductor is a peculiar person. He turns his back on his friends in the audience, shakes a stick at his players… — Victor Borge Copy Share Image
I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use?… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“The front door swung open, and Zsadist strode into the house. Wrath glared. "Nice of you to show up, Z. Busy tonight… — J.R. Ward Copy Share Image
For the first two years of a child's life, we spend every waking hour tryibg to get the child to communicate. Then… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
I promised myself that if ever I had some money that I would savor a cigar each day after lunch and dinner.… — W. Somerset Maugham Copy Share Image
In my experience, you run into trouble when you ask a group of beer-drinking men to perform any task more complex than… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Debugging is twice as hard as writing the code in the first place. Therefore, if you write the code as cleverly as… — Brian Kernighan Copy Share Image
“ Why does everything have to be so hard? [Eragon] wondered. Because , said Saphira, everyone wants to eat, but no one… — Christopher Paolini Copy Share Image
“ Aw, kiss him, Gwen, clamored a hundred perky eggs. Shut up, she rebuked. We don't even know him, and until moments… — Karen Marie Moning Copy Share Image
If a child shows himself incorrigible, he should be decently and quietly beheaded at the age of twelve, lest he grow to… — Don Marquis Copy Share Image
I was raised by just my mom. See, my father died when I was eight years old. At least, that's what he… — Drew Carey Copy Share Image
What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream? Or what's worse, what if only that fat guy in the third… — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
I don't want to have a bad influence on anybody, but there's no point in my giving up cigarettes now. I won't… — Golda Meir Copy Share Image
Always enter like a kitten and leave like a lion. But NEVER enter like a lion and leave like a kitten. Always… — Carlson Gracie Copy Share Image
“I like stories about supervillains. They teach children that you can accomplish great things even when the whole world is against you.” — G.D. Falksen Copy Share Image
The IRS wants you to use this form because it gets to keep most of your money. So unless you have pond… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
“I recalled thinking...His freakishly tidy side could be a problem. To say that neatness was not my strong suit would be a… — Betsy Cook Speer Copy Share Image
England manufactures most of the world's airline food, as well as all the food you ever ate in your junior-high-school cafeteria. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
When men lose against me, they always have a headache ... or things of that kind. I have never beaten a completely… — Susan Polgar Copy Share Image
It has long been recognized by public men of all kinds. . . that statistics come under the head of lying, and… — Hilaire Belloc Copy Share Image
“... Kenny G is extremely talented and resourceful and a powerful force to be reckoned with ... Mr. G might not seem… — Matthew Quick Copy Share Image
“I stamped, certified, and lipsticked my life in a package sent through Priority Mail directly to the devil herself...and there's no turning… — Amy Holder Copy Share Image
“All of us and perhaps all of you read in childhood, while in school, that greatest of all monuments of ancient literature,… — Yevgeny Zamyatin Copy Share Image
“When selecting a one-night stand, a heterosexual woman who is materialistic is a trillion times more likely to choose a sexually unattractive… — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
“He thought moving to a small town would allow him to find a way to get along to some extent but people… — Christine Feehan Copy Share Image