“Life is full of things that can kill me, you vampire m*****f****r, and you sure as shit can just get in line… — Z.A. Maxfield Copy Share Image
I like Bret Easton Ellis' sense of humor. I feel like mine is sometimes similar to his. And how his characters sometimes… — Tao Lin Copy Share Image
“Many a parent, sad to say, has used their child as an opportunity for them, the parent, to do, through their child,… — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
“Daddy had a strict rule about firearms. Anything we killed we had to eat. No amount of barbecue sauce would make a… — Diane Kelly Copy Share Image
“It’s human nature to view life from our own reality. This causes serious problems when a rescue mission is being led by… — Jaime Buckley Copy Share Image
Last year I gave seventy-four phone hours to soliciting baked goods for the Bake-A-Rama. I was named Top Call Girl by the… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
I've never done stand-up; I came via small-scale touring theatre, through the Royal Shakespeare Company, the National Theatre, then I got employed… — Mark Williams Copy Share Image
The difference between a Republican and a Democrat is that the Democrat is a cannibal, they live off each other, while the… — Will Rogers Copy Share Image
“It commenced raining one day and did not stop for two months. We went through ever different kind of rain they is,… — Winston Groom Copy Share Image
“Flirt with the old ladies and you’ll be fine,” I muttered, shoving my stuff into the cubby. He hung his green hoodie… — Katherine McIntyre Copy Share Image
“The fireworks continued to burn and spread all over the school that afternoon. Though they caused plenty of disruption, the other teachers… — J.K. Rowling Copy Share Image
Stop saying that humorous and funny people are the happiest people you've ever seen. There something behind that huge smile, loud cackle,… — Bernajoy Vaal Copy Share Image
“Well, thank the gods,' he sighed. 'Oh? And what would it be you're thanking them for?' Bahzell inquired, and Brandark grinned. 'For… — David Weber Copy Share Image
“if I decide to help you, I want only two things in return. Freedom for my people" - it was what he… — Gene Showalter Copy Share Image
“Nature" doesn't really have intentions, per se. Nature is a drunk waking up from a weekend bender, ambling through a messy kitchen… — Pat Connid Copy Share Image
Dr. Munro, sir," said he, "I am a walking museum. You could fit what ISN'T the matter with me on to the… — Arthur Conan Doyle Copy Share Image
Karla Jay's intimate account of life in the early years of feminism and gay liberation is as irresistible as a novel, but… — Gloria Steinem Copy Share Image
“Can I have my ear back?" He asked irritably. She blinked. "Mother, can you tell this creature here to loosen her hold?” — Anya Wylde Copy Share Image
“The difference between Strauss and Ranieri?” says one trader still at Salomon. “That’s easy. Strauss wouldn’t stoop to use the men’s room… — Michael Lewis Copy Share Image
“He executed his commission with great promptitude and dispatch, only calling at one public-house for half a minute, and even that might… — Charles Dickens Copy Share Image
If God is everywhere, I had concluded, then He is in food. Therefore, the more I ate the godlier I would become.… — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
Real cars were made here in America: Fords, Chevys, Plymouths. These were large chunks of Detroit iron - cars that had the… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
“This shows that the ordinary person is wanting more for their lives. They want to be of help, they want to make… — Linda Armstrong Copy Share Image
They (Americans) have their national game, baseball - which is cricket played with a strong American accent - and they have a… — George Mikes Copy Share Image
I am engaged in answering that Italian buffoon, Mazotti, whose views upon the larval development of the tropical termites have excited my… — Arthur Conan Doyle Copy Share Image
Why do they bother with a suicide watch when someone is on death row? "Keep an eye on this guy. We're gonna… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Shortly after I met my mentor he asked me, ‘Mr. Rohn, how much money have you saved and invested over the last… — Jim Rohn Copy Share Image
“...clearly, we're supposed to be together. If this were the internet, seventeen-year-old girls would be writing slash fiction about us as we… — Vaughn R. Demont Copy Share Image
Disclaimer: If anyone disagrees with anything I say, I am quite prepared to not only retract it, but also to deny under… — Tom Lehrer Copy Share Image
Everybody in New York City knows there's way more cars than parking spaces. You see cars driving in New York all hours… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
Cancel me not - for what then shall remain? Abscissas, some mantissas, modules, modes, A root or two, a torus and a… — Stanislaw Lem Copy Share Image
Just because you're old that doesn't mean you're more forgetful. The same people whose names I can't remember now I couldn't remember… — George Burns Copy Share Image
Newfoundland dogs are good to save children from drowning, but you must have a pond of water handy and a child, or… — Josh Billings Copy Share Image
“You’re not going to let her do this, are you?” Bones snorted. “Let her? Mate, if you think you can control a… — Jeaniene Frost Copy Share Image
“You can crab over the morning paper and kick the shins of the guy in the next seat at the movies and… — Raymond Chandler Copy Share Image
“When I can’t find something, I try to remember what I put on top of it. Whatever I was looking for is… — Linda Armstrong Copy Share Image
“My dearest Pudding pie" I read aloud. "Yes, my little turnip?" "Hilarious," I muttered. "If you ever call me anything of the… — Jordan L. Hawk Copy Share Image
The best song lyrics seem to me so artful, so brilliant, so warm and humorous, with both passion and wit, that my… — David Lehman Copy Share Image
Everyone I talked to was a recording-the bank, the elevator, your office, the school, a wrong number. You used to be able… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are… — Albert Einstein Copy Share Image
![“He executed his commission with great promptitude and dispatch, only calling at one public-house for half a minute, and even that might be said to be in his way, for he went in at one door and came out at the other[.]” quote by Charles Dickens](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/img-quotes/527/charles-dickens-34_alcoholic_he-executed-his-commission-with-great-pr_935715.jpg)
