Humorous Quotes · Page 17

It's all right for a perfect stranger to kiss your hand as long as he's perfect.

— Mae West

“Yeah 'cause throwing knives at a girk is totally Going to get her to like you. #Tobiaslogic”

— Based Off of Veronica Roth's Very Own Divergent

“Yesterday is a pile of rubble. Today is a pile of opportunity. Life takes a new dump each morning”

— Ryan Lilly

Marriage is the only adventure open to the cowardly.

— Voltaire

Well, it may be humorous to you, but it’s a very serious matter to the squirrels.

— Lisa Kleypas

I can't even tell you what else I imagined. I can only humiliate myself to such a degree; at a certain point…

— Heidi Julavits

“...Do you need a hug?” Payton asked with a smile. Ryann chuckled as Payton walked around the kitchen cabinet and held open…

— Robin Alexander

You can leave in a huff. Or you can leave in a minute and a huff.

— Groucho Marx

Let me remind you that this is God's universe, and He is doing things His way. You may think you have a…

— J. Vernon McGee

Accomplishing the impossible means only the boss will add it to your regular duties.

— Doug Larson

“In the beginning was the word, and that word was probably misconstrued by someone who then made it into a personal issue…

— Ade Bozzay

“The big question was, what all was this society up to? They’d certainly been in and out of his office, as well…

— Kirsten Fullmer

“You can do this (this thing, where your body will cease to produce hormones and your skin, hair, muscles and bones... basically…

— Lisa Jey Davis

If you could see my legs when I take my boots off, you'd form some idea of what unrequited affection is.

— Charles Dickens

I love how we don't even need to say out loud that I'm your favorite child.

— Anonymous

“People who think animals have expressionless faces are like people who can ignore an open package of Oreos. Not quite human.”

— Julia Kent

“Who's going to take care of it? You?. . . Son, you came in the house yesterday with sh*t on your hands.…

— Justin Halpern

I believe he [Saddam Hussein] wants a better relationship with America.

— Louis Farrakhan

My point here, young couples, is that baby-having is extremely serious business, and you probably don't have the vaguest idea what you're…

— Dave Barry

“Stop teasing you two,” Suzy jumped in, “not all of Kathy’s ideas are wacky.” “Gee thanks. Was that supposed to be a…

— E.A. Bucchianeri

“Miss Nodder leaned forward, then glanced round at Stephen. "Are you in this conversation, of just skulking?" "Mostly skulking." Stephen had a…

— K.J. Charles

“She shrugged and flipped her glossy hair behind her shoulders. "What else do you have to do with your time besides think…

— Stacey Kade

“That?" I glanced back to the door where JT had disappeared. "That was Genus Homo, species Whowantstofuckus , subspecies Closeted Headup Hisassia…

— Z.A. Maxfield

“When I was born, I was almost fourteen years old. That's why I was able to understand more easily than most what…

— Eugene Ionesco

What do you take me for, an idiot?

— Charles de Gaulle