I'm a godmother, that's a great thing to be, a godmother. She calls me god for short, that's cute, I taught her… — Ellen DeGeneres Copy Share Image
“What are your interests?" "Your son in my room," I said. "Excuse me?" "The sun and the moon," I said. "Astronomy.” — David Levithan Copy Share Image
“He never did get right all the way again. And every once in a while he'd come down all bitey.” — Jonathan Maberry Copy Share Image
You may have heard that a dean is to faculty as a hydrant is to a dog. — Alfred Kahn Copy Share Image
“Two kinds of people always lie about their ages: actresses and Latin American pitchers.” — Jess Walter Copy Share Image
It is impossible to travel faster than light, and certainly not desirable, as one’s hat keeps blowing off. — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
“Some of us were brought into this troubled world primarily or only to increase our fathers’ chances of not being left by… — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
“His eyes, green with yellow sparks, and with elongated pupils like a cat’s, made his grandmother gasp and say: ‘Jesus! He has… — Olga Núñez Miret Copy Share Image
“His shoes looked too large; his sleeve looked too long; his hair looked too limp; his features looked too mean; his exposed… — Charles Dickens Copy Share Image
A man's subconscious self is not the ideal companion. It lurks for the greater part of his life in some dark den… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Canada, as you know, is a major important nation boasting a sophisticated, cosmopolitan culture that was tragically destroyed last week by beavers. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Thou shall not kill. Thou shall not commit adultery. Don't eat pork. I'm sorry, what was that last one?? Don't eat pork.… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
I love doing humorous roles and I write my characters that way. But I haven't received many offers from others to do… — Sreenivasan Copy Share Image
“Do you follow the wrestling? Most people think it's illegal, but you can watch it there. Ruby and Python are on display… — Samuel R. Delany Copy Share Image
“Sergeant Colon owed thirty years of happy marriage to the fact that Mrs. Colon worked all day and Sargent Colon worked all… — Terry Pratchett Copy Share Image
Here was my first lesson on the resolutely maintained untidiness and ill-health of the English upper orders. In baggy evening dress and… — Clive James Copy Share Image
“Jane: "Look, Dave Chandler left me on the ninth floor of our university research library without my panties after we lost our… — Molly Harper Copy Share Image
While Europe's eye is fix'd on mighty things, The fate of empires and the fall of kings; While quacks of State must… — Robert Burns Copy Share Image
“When I left high school with my diploma, it felt like I was holding a key that would unlock the door to… — Brian Celio Copy Share Image
“literally: This word should be deleted. All too often, actions described as “literally” did not happen at all. As in, “He literally… — Tom Rachman Copy Share Image
“Oh, that's just Thud! That's easy!" yapped a voice. Both men turned to look at Horsefry, who had been made perky by… — Terry Pratchett Copy Share Image
“It's all your fault, Mother,' said Larry austerely; 'you shouldn't have brought us up to be so selfish.' 'I like that!' exclaimed… — Gerald Durrell Copy Share Image
