That girl had a great way of making friends, and strangers, and anyone else who was around. — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
Old age is when you resent the swimsuit issue of Sports Illustrated because there are fewer articles to read. — George Burns Copy Share Image
“A year ago I came here without a nickle in my pocket, now, I've got a nickle in my pocket.” — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
You can change your wife, your politics, your religion, but never, never can you change your favourite football team. — Eric Cantona Copy Share Image
“He with the cleanest clothes isn’t necessarily the cleanest.” — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“A Man can Live two Weeks without Food, go two days without Water, and two minutes without Air, and apparently, an entire… — Walter Thomas Jr Copy Share Image
“I'm dating myself, but this was before Jesus Christ. We worshiped a God named Sashatiba, who had five eyes, including one on… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“A weapon needs a wielder; it should not be permitted to start its own fights." "You are not my wielder; you are… — Angelo Tsanatelis Copy Share Image
I won't say ours was a tough school, but we had our own coroner. We used to write songs like, "What I'm… — Lenny Bruce Copy Share Image
“To be depressed or neurotic is passive. It has happened to all of us; we are its victims, are we have no… — William Glasser M.D Copy Share Image
This year, U.S. airlineswill carry a record 143 million passengers, who will be in the air for 382 million hours, during which… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
“Everyone was going crazy, like they’d just witnessed the birth of Jesus and the invention of electricity at the same time. Jude… — Nicole Williams Copy Share Image
“See? That’s it,” he said, waving his hand. “That’s part of what makes us so great, Luce. I’m crazy. You’re crazy. Together,… — Nicole Williams Copy Share Image
“The first thing they would do would be to open my mouth and extract the soggy ball of my handkerchief, and as… — Alan Bradley Copy Share Image
Although it was constructed in 1536, the New York subway system boasts an annual maintenance budget of nearly $8, currently stolen, and… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
“Kissing Red must've killed off some of your brain cells," Ryder decided. "You can tell a woman what to do---if you play… — Nora Roberts Copy Share Image
“For a moment the rank felt as though they had just returned from single-handedly conquering a distant province. They felt, in fact,… — Terry Pratchett Copy Share Image
The real Oxford is a close corporation of jolly, untidy, lazy, good-for-nothing humorous old men, who have been electing their own successors… — C. S. Lewis Copy Share Image
I went to school, majored in theatre, and said 'Mom, I have to choose my own destiny. I want to be an… — Arsenio Hall Copy Share Image
Everybody in New York, including police horses, dresses fashionably, and whenever I'm there, even in my sharpest funeral-quality suit with no visible… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
America is not a wily, sneaky nation. We don't think that way. We don't think much at all, thank God. Start thinking… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
