There are many talented English personalities, but unfortunately they were all in Hollywood. — Bob Hope Copy Share Image
Everything serious that he says is a joke and everything humorous that he says is dead serious. — Clarence Darrow Copy Share Image
If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation? — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“You know, there are several gay men on the faculty. Professor Montag makes jelly beans look colorless(...)” — Tara Lain Copy Share Image
“Eggs," said Henry dreamily, looking at his plate. "I do love eggs. I could eat them all day.” — Cassandra Clare Copy Share Image
Why would God bless you if all that you do, is show up on Sundays and park in the pew? — Kevin Pace Copy Share Image
I took a test in Existentialism. I left all the answers blank and got 100. — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
It is inconceivable that anyone could say we have tried to hide anything — William J. Clinton Copy Share Image
“People who think animals have expressionless faces are like people who can ignore an open package of Oreos. Not quite human.” — Julia Kent Copy Share Image
“My father had bought him a shirt that said “Sure you can date my daughter. In a completely unrelated topic, have you… — Tara Sivec Copy Share Image
“You know, I can’t wait for her to gets married because hell is made of fire and she said it would be… — J.T. Cheyanne Copy Share Image
“Panty Melter: an exceedingly rare species of man blessed with so many desirable attributes he effortlessly gains access into a girl's panties.” — Tracy Brogan Copy Share Image
The American success formula is first to get a home of your own, then to get a car of your own so… — Sam Levenson Copy Share Image
The big difference in those days was that in England the Government subsidized TV, in America we work on TV so we… — Bob Hope Copy Share Image
I've always been intrigued with the variety of answers this generation will give their children who ask, "Where did I come from,… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
Averages don't always reveal the most telling realities. You know, Shaquille O'Neal and I have an average height of 6 feet. — Robert Reich Copy Share Image
“Stella explained that when he had arrived, because of his English accent, she had assumed that he was me, and had asked… — Tony Hawks Copy Share Image
“He'd never asked for an exciting life. What he really liked, what he sought on every occasion, was boredom. The trouble was… — Terry Pratchett Copy Share Image
“The fact that the person who you are sleeping with is also sleeping with another person or other people does not necessarily… — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
The people shall further be graded according to wealth, and—humorous touch this—the more obviously a man labor, the more stinting shall be… — Jamie O'Neill Copy Share Image
“I'm not helping any of you freaks!" she shouts. "I'm not the Witch of Wayland, you hear me? I'm sick of all… — J.A. Redmerski Copy Share Image
“Renee: “The Greek government doesn’t know that I found anything that day in the temple. And they for sure wouldn’t want to… — John C. Stipa Copy Share Image
“There are times when every act, no matter how private or unconscious, becomes political. Whom you live with, how you wear your… — Renata Adler Copy Share Image
“Every week seems to bring another luxuriantly creamy envelope, the thickness of a letter-bomb, containing a complex invitation – a triumph of… — David Nicholls Copy Share Image
