Why isn't my life like a situation comedy? Why don't I have a bunch of friends with nothing better to do but… — Bill Watterson Copy Share Image
They say the world is a stage. But obviously the play is unrehearsed and everybody is ad-libbing his lines." "Maybe that’s why… — Bill Watterson Copy Share Image
“Susie: Hi Calvin! Aren't you excited about going to school? Look at all these great school supplies I got! I love having… — Bill Watterson Copy Share Image
“Don't look into car headlights and freeze, because you'll either get run over or shot!” — Bill Watterson Copy Share Image
“[Uh-oh, it's bath time for Calvin.] MOM, who sits in the living room, has turned toward the door. Very likely she is… — Bill Watterson Copy Share Image
“In my opinion, we don't devote nearly enough scientific research to finding a cure for jerks.” — Bill Watterson Copy Share Image
“The world isn't fair, Calvin." "I know Dad, but why isn't it ever unfair in my favor?” — Bill Watterson Copy Share Image
If life is just a stage, then we are all running around ad-libbing, with absolutely no clue what the plot is. Maybe… — Bill Watterson Copy Share Image
“This tiger is sprawled So still and so flat, A question arises When glancing thereat. Is he asleep? to be Perfectly frank,… — Bill Watterson Copy Share Image
“There are few things less comforting than a tiger who's been up too late.” — Bill Watterson Copy Share Image
You should stick with what you enjoy, what you find funny -- that's the humor that will be the strongest, and that… — Bill Watterson Copy Share Image
Look! A trickle of water running through some dirt! I'd say our afternoon just got booked solid! — Bill Watterson Copy Share Image
“Calvin, yelling: Mom, can I set fire to my bed mattress? Calvin's Mom: No, Calvin. Calvin: Can I ride my tricycle on… — Bill Watterson Copy Share Image
CALVIN: Isn't it strange that evolution would give us a sense of humor? When you think about it, it's weird that we… — Bill Watterson Copy Share Image
Surprise is the essence of humor, and nothing is more surprising than truth. — Bill Watterson Copy Share Image
“Calvin's Mom confronts him as he stands at the open front door, going to school: Calvin, are you going to take that… — Bill Watterson Copy Share Image
“[At first, Calvin's at school, in his classroom.] CALVIN'S TEACHER: "We'll see what the principal has to say about your attention span,… — Bill Watterson Copy Share Image
“[Calvin's Mom is driving him somewhere.] CALVIN: Mom, can I drive on the way back? CALVIN'S MOM: Of course not, Calvin. CALVIN:… — Bill Watterson Copy Share Image
“Things I will never like: 1. Drying off with a cold, damp towel. 2. The feeling of seaweed wrapping around my legs.… — Bill Watterson Copy Share Image
Calvin: The more you know, the harder it is to take decisive action. Once you are informed, you start seeing complexities and shades of… — Bill Watterson Copy Share Image
A day can really slip by when you're deliberately avoiding what you're supposed to do. — Bill Watterson Copy Share Image
For your information, I'm staying like this, and everyone else can just get used to it! If people don't like me the way I… — Bill Watterson Copy Share Image
I think most of us would be horrified to meet ourselves and discover what everyone else already knows about us. — Bill Watterson Copy Share Image
As a kid, I knew I wanted to be either a cartoonist or an astronaut. The latter was never much of a possibility, as… — Bill Watterson Copy Share Image
Miss Wormwood: Calvin, your test was an absolute disgrace! It's obvious you haven't read any of the material. Our first president was not Chef… — Bill Watterson Copy Share Image
Calvin: Today for show and tell, I've brought a tiny miracle of nature: a single snowflake! I think we might all learn a lesson… — Bill Watterson Copy Share Image
United Features had given me a development contract, which meant I was to work exclusively with them and rather than completing everything on my… — Bill Watterson Copy Share Image
In the right hands, a comic strip attains a beauty and elegance that, really, I would put against any other art. — Bill Watterson Copy Share Image
If you give a little credit to the concept of the artist, I think you ought to indulge excesses a bit, because that reflects… — Bill Watterson Copy Share Image
I tell you all this because it's worth recognizing that there is no such thing as an overnight success. You will do well to… — Bill Watterson Copy Share Image
