“The human brain comprises 70% water, which means it's a similar consistency to tofu. Picture that for a second - a blob of tofu the size and shape of a brain. Now imagine taking that piece of tofu, and forcing… — Alan Partridge Copy Share Image
“For three long days, I felt the cold hand of death on my shoulder. Lost in the depths of despair I tried to figure… — Alan Partridge Copy Share Image
“I've told you, there's no point keeping those. They're not tax-deductible,' my dad thundered. 'I think you'll find they are,' raged my mum like… — Alan Partridge Copy Share Image
“The father, Trevor, was an asthmatic, but what he lacked in being able to breath quietly, he more than made up for with parental… — Alan Partridge Copy Share Image
“Could professional disappointment have been what made him so bitter, like it did with BT Sport’s Ray Stubbs?” — Alan Partridge Copy Share Image
“Meanwhile, for those of you on crowded public transport who chose not to say the words aloud, you’ll feel no different, and that’s your… — Alan Partridge Copy Share Image
“Like a good-looking John Merrick, mine was a face that looked really shit.” — Alan Partridge Copy Share Image
“He is also a keen cook, gardener and birder. He has no middle fingers on one hand, so he can't swear but is permanently… — Alan Partridge Copy Share Image
“I woke with a start, at first I thought I had trumped myself awake again - it was summer so there was lots of… — Alan Partridge Copy Share Image
“Hello, Alan." said Carol's dad Keith. "Hello, Alan." said Carol's mum, Stella, not bothering to think of a greeting of her own.” — Alan Partridge Copy Share Image
“1974 was a crazy, hazy time for Alan Partridge. The Sixties had come to East Anglia and it was a time of free thinking,… — Alan Partridge Copy Share Image
“If I was feeling like a challenge, I'd kick out the plug, turn the taps on and see if I could maintain the exact… — Alan Partridge Copy Share Image
“Tears streamed down my face. I was so happy I wanted to shout it from the rooftop. But at the same time I knew… — Alan Partridge Copy Share Image
