“Like a good-looking John Merrick, mine was a face that looked really shit.” — Alan Partridge Face Copy Share Image
“He is also a keen cook, gardener and birder. He has no middle fingers on one hand, so he can't swear but… — Alan Partridge Food Copy Share Image
“Could professional disappointment have been what made him so bitter, like it did with BT Sport’s Ray Stubbs?” — Alan Partridge Copy Share Image
“The father, Trevor, was an asthmatic, but what he lacked in being able to breath quietly, he more than made up for… — Alan Partridge Father Copy Share Image
“Hello, Alan." said Carol's dad Keith. "Hello, Alan." said Carol's mum, Stella, not bothering to think of a greeting of her own.” — Alan Partridge Carol Dad Copy Share Image
“For three long days, I felt the cold hand of death on my shoulder. Lost in the depths of despair I tried… — Alan Partridge Death Copy Share Image
“Tears streamed down my face. I was so happy I wanted to shout it from the rooftop. But at the same time… — Alan Partridge Comedy Copy Share Image
“Putting a damp spoon back in the bowl is the tea-drinking equivalent of sharing a needle. And I did not want to… — Alan Partridge Humour Copy Share Image
“Meanwhile, for those of you on crowded public transport who chose not to say the words aloud, you’ll feel no different, and… — Alan Partridge Assholes Copy Share Image
“1974 was a crazy, hazy time for Alan Partridge. The Sixties had come to East Anglia and it was a time of… — Alan Partridge Free love Copy Share Image
“I woke with a start, at first I thought I had trumped myself awake again - it was summer so there was… — Alan Partridge Fear Copy Share Image
“I've told you, there's no point keeping those. They're not tax-deductible,' my dad thundered. 'I think you'll find they are,' raged my… — Alan Partridge Abuse Copy Share Image
“If I was feeling like a challenge, I'd kick out the plug, turn the taps on and see if I could maintain… — Alan Partridge Water Copy Share Image
“I, myself, would never shoot big game (and would hesitate to even lay traps for them). You see, as a committed animal… — Alan Partridge Animals Copy Share Image
“Surveillance isn’t easy, though. You’ll need warm clothes, a camera with telephoto lens, two Thermos flasks (one for tea, t’other for wee)… — Alan Partridge Surveillance Copy Share Image
“Now, this is an uncomfortable thing to discuss, but I run towards discomfort like a man who has strapped truth explosives to… — Alan Partridge Discomfort Copy Share Image
“I’d spend hours in HMVs, Virgin Megastores and second-hand record shops staffed by greasy-haired 40-year-olds dressed as 20-year-olds, listening to contemporary music… — Alan Partridge Contemporary music Copy Share Image
“The human brain comprises 70% water, which means it's a similar consistency to tofu. Picture that for a second - a blob… — Alan Partridge Bad news Copy Share Image
