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Huge Quotes by George Carlin

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The more complicated the order, the bigger the asshole. If you walk into a Starbucks and order a 'decaf grandee, half soy, half lowfat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread cappuccino, extra dry, light ice, with one Sweet-n'-Low and one NutraSweet,' ooooh,…

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More by George Carlin

I never go anywhere or do anything that transports me outside the boundaries of my mind.

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With the proper training, I could've been an evil genius.

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Comedy, although it is not one of the fine arts - it's a vulgar art, it's one of the people's arts, it's the spoken…

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“I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. ... These two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both…

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“TOMORROW IS ANOTHER DAY. Not true. Today is another day. We have no idea what tomorrow is going to be. It might turn out…

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I was a loner as a child. I had an imaginary friend - I didn't bother with him.

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Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers.

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“If you guys want to get a MOM tattoo and save a little money, just get two letters done. Get about a one-inch capital…

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You've built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that it's a day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday!

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It ended suddenly for Brenda, more slowly for me. My runs began getting shorter and less pleasurable. I'd feel bad after only one day,…

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Is there another word for synonym?

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The whole idea of the pursuit of goods and possessions has completely corrupted the human experience, along with religion, which I think limits the…

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