Funny facebook status Quotes by Anonymous · Page 11

Whatever you do in life, always give 100%...unless you're donating blood...

— Anonymous

I just wanna be rich enough to have Morgan Freeman read me bedtime stories.

— Anonymous

If you can't afford porn, just turn on women's tennis and shut your eyes...

— Anonymous

Hey I just met you, and this is crazy, delete my number, and keep the baby.

— Anonymous

Whoever said nothing is impossible...Never tried to staple water to a tree.

— Anonymous

Just because you say Swag in every other sentence doesn't mean you have it.

— Anonymous

Is she hot?- A guy's reply to any story that starts with This girl I know..

— Anonymous

When someone say's I like your shirt.. I look down to see what I'm wearing.

— Anonymous

Person: So what are you going to be for Halloween? You: Well I was wondering if I could borrow the mask youre…

— Anonymous

Welcome to facebook, where you can stalk your exes, freak out your frends, and go from normal to bi polor in 30 secounds!

— Anonymous

Vodka-$19.99. Motel-$54.99. Condoms-$2.99. Finding Out She Swallows... PRICELESS!!!!! Fuck Visa, It Pays To Discover!!!!!

— Anonymous

Oh, youre popular on facebook? Thats cool. I mean, these days its easy to have 1,500 friends that youve never met before.

— Anonymous

Dear Santa, ( ) I've been good all year. ( ) Ok most of the time. ( ) Once in a while.…

— Anonymous

Are we celebrating the fact that Guy Fawkes got caught trying to blow up parliament or he tried to have a go…

— Anonymous

The awkward moment when Justin Bieber's entire childhood was recorded and I can't even find a video of my first birthday.

— Anonymous

My bed and I have a special relationship, we're perfect for each other. But my alarm clock just hates seeing us together.

— Anonymous

Slap a player, stomp a bitch; they both ain't nothing but some nasty tricks.

— Anonymous

Hey autocorrect, stop messing with my damn curse words. You mother forklift.

— Anonymous

Don't Consider Yourself an ugly person,consider yourself a beautiful monkey.

— Anonymous

If facebook did have a dislike button there would be a lot of hurt feelings.

— Anonymous

My diabetic neighbor died in his sleep. I forgot to wish him 'sweet dreams.'

— Anonymous

That mini heart attack moment when you don't feel your phone in your pocket.

— Anonymous

I was going to post a status,but then I remebered I have family on facebook.

— Anonymous

Changing your entire message because you don't know how to spell one word!..

— Anonymous

The most fun things in life are either immoral, illegal or they make you fat

— Anonymous

I hope the next ridiculously popular Facebook trend is shutting the fuck up.

— Anonymous

I hate how spiders just sit there on the walls and act like they pay rent...

— Anonymous

Exit Facebook, close laptop, get into bed, unlock phone, check Facebook ....

— Anonymous

I accidentally bumped into my ex today...With my car...at 60mph...on purpose.

— Anonymous

I want to throw a party with fake alcohol and see how many people act wasted.

— Anonymous

You should really consider creating two Facebook accounts, one for each face.

— Anonymous

There are two types of people in this world, people who masturbate and liars.

— Anonymous

The Worst Pain In Life Is When Someone You Know Turns Into Someone You Knew..

— Anonymous

OH NICE, so you can update your status via mobile, but you cant text me back?

— Anonymous

My mind says Victoria Secret model, but my heart says chocolate, pizza, food.

— Anonymous

Taylor Swift seems like the type of chick that would poke a hole in a condom.

— Anonymous

A wise man once told me, if we were all fatter we would be closer together!..

— Anonymous

My favorite text message, I will be there in five minutes, if not read again.

— Anonymous

The awkward moment, when Usain Bolt runs faster than your internet connection.

— Anonymous

If a profile picture has two ppl in it, the profile belongs to the uglier one.

— Anonymous