Funny facebook status Quotes by Anonymous · Page 9

When I read a fashion magazine, I don't actually read it. I just scan..

— Anonymous

Never knock on Death's door. Ring the doorbell and run (he hates that).

— Anonymous

I love how every time I get a text, it must start with 'Dear Customer'.

— Anonymous

All women want is sex while men want to talk about feelings and cuddle.

— Anonymous

The difference between pizza and your opinion is that I asked for pizza

— Anonymous

Hun, You might not wanna stand that close to the heater, Plastic melts.

— Anonymous

You took my daughters virginity! I'm sorry, sir. It won't happen again.

— Anonymous

Liking your own Facebook status Is like high fiving yourself in public.

— Anonymous

Next time a blocked number calls you answer like this: 'Local sperm bank. You jack it, we pack it. How may I…

— Anonymous

Apparently twilight is so popular because teenagers can relate to it. Oh yeah I remember the time when I was a vampire.

— Anonymous

My wife and I are trying to have a child. But it's so hard to take one out of Chuck E Cheese…

— Anonymous

I LOVE EVERYONE...SOME I LOVE TO BE AROUND, SOME I LOVE TO AVOID...AND SOME I WOULD LOVE TO PUNCH ON THEIR FACE...!!…

— Anonymous

I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching...my car into reverse and driving away from the accident.

— Anonymous

Ghetto word of the Day - Disappointment. My Parole officer said if I miss disappointment they gone send me back to Jail.

— Anonymous

I always lock my front door before I get in the shower 'cause if a killer broke in & heard me singing…

— Anonymous

Its funny when people discuss Love Marriage vs Arranged. Its like asking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered

— Anonymous

Don't treat someone like an iphone if they treat you like a blackberry.

— Anonymous

Rumors. Well at least you're spreading something else besides your legs.

— Anonymous

The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

— Anonymous

If my boss paid me in Trident Layers, I'd probably have to kick his ass.

— Anonymous

Imagine that self control you must have to work in a bubble rap factory!

— Anonymous

Going to McDonald's for a salad is like going to a prostitute for a hug.

— Anonymous

If there was a black character in Clue, the game would be called Solved.

— Anonymous

Someone once told me nothing lasts forever .. so will you be my nothing?

— Anonymous

I make weird faces in photos because its better to look ugly on purpose.

— Anonymous

I can't tell if you have a better life than me, or better photo filters.

— Anonymous

Life would be much easier if mosquitoes sucked, tension instead of blood

— Anonymous

Going to McDonald's to get a salad is like going to a brothel for a hug.

— Anonymous

You're so much better than A-Rod at concealing your drug use on the job.

— Anonymous

In today's world, the key to success is to delete your Facebook account!

— Anonymous

Disney Channel should stop making new shows and replay all the old ones.

— Anonymous

You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is 'never try'.

— Anonymous

This claw machine is going to kill me. All I want is my damn teddy bear.

— Anonymous

I'm actually not funny. I'm just really mean and people think I'm joking.

— Anonymous

China is only winning the Olympics because they made all the equipment...

— Anonymous

Getting off the internet at night is usually the hardest part of the day.

— Anonymous

I'M SURE EVERYTHING WILL GET OK....BUT I'D PREFER IT TO BE AWESOME..!! <3

— Anonymous

That one annoying relative who comments on everything you do on Facebook.

— Anonymous

I want the type of relationship that Rick Ross has with his refrigerator.

— Anonymous

Everything is made in China. Except for babies. They are made in VaChina.

— Anonymous