Forty million Americans smoked marijuana; the only ones who didn’t like it were Judge Ginsberg, Clarence Thomas and Bill Clinton. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Things have really changed here in Hollywood. Used to be people in this town couldn't wait to get an envelope full of… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
It's fun when you're driving, and people wave at you, and you wave back. I think you either like people or you… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Wasn't it thrilling when the U.S. Women's team took home the gold in gymnastics? A group of American teenagers getting a higher… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
A Minneapolis company has come out with a credit card size shotgun that fits in your wallet. The inventor says he invented… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Do you have any idea how cheap stocks are? Wall Street is now being called Wall Mart Street — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
A survey says that American workers work the first three hours every day just to pay their taxes. So that's why we… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Last night I went out for Chinese. I picked up a Team USA Olympic uniform. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
A Canadian psychologist is selling a video that teaches you how to test your dog's IQ. Here's how it works: if you… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Clinton's pet Labrador, Buddy, is getting neutered. The dog will never have sex again. Overnight, they've turned Buddy from a Democrat into… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Now there are more overweight people in America than average-weight people. So overweight people are now average. Which means you've met your… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
How would it be if we discovered that aliens only stopped by earth to let their kids take a leak? — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
In the spirit of the Olympic Games, they traditionally ask that all fighting and warfare around the world stop. So, there's hope… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Well, Harry Reid and other members of congress, they're just furious over this Olympic uniform deal. He says we should burn the… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
AT&T is now offering a new service that allows you to pay your bills through your TV screen by using your remote… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
The reason there are two senators for each state is so that one can be the designated driver. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
According to a new survey, 90% of men say their lover is also their best friend. Which is really kind of disturbing… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
I went into McDonald's yesterday and said, "I'd like some fries." And the girl behind the counter says, "Would you like fries… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
A new poll shows that Americans now believe that Bill Clinton is more honest than President Bush. At least when Clinton screwed… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
If you restore a car, and you're making money, then you're doing it wrong. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Bush reiterated his stand to conservatives opposing his decision on stem cell research. He said today he believes life begins at conception and ends… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
There is a nationwide shortage of drugs for Attention Deficit Disorder. The FDA says they're not sure how it happened. I guess somebody wasn't… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
“Leno said the rainy weather in California "couldn't have come at a worse possible time. Today was the day NBC was supposed to burn… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Donald Trump said he will not decide about a possible run for the presidency until after the current season of Celebrity Apprentice wraps up.… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
American forces in Iraq found $650 million in American cash sealed in a hidden cottage. See, this is why President Bush wants to invade… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
I wanted to have a career in sports when I was young, but I had to give up the idea. I'm only six feet… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Texas Gov. Rick Perry referred to the Mexican city of Juarez as the most dangerous city in America. In his defense, he probably just… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
You can tell you ate too much for Thanksgiving when you have to let your bathrobe out. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
The Mayans have predicted the world is supposed to end on December 21. If the world doesn't end on December 21, you can bet… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
The Globe reports that North Korean dictator Kim Jong-Il raises money by selling fake Viagra pills. What it is about this guy? None of… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
