Cigarette companies market heavily to young people. They need young customers because their product kills the older ones. It is the only… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to hear '27 months.' 'He's two' will do just fine. He's… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I find it discouraging - and a bit depressing - when I notice the unequal treatment afforded by the media to UFO… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I was looking in the mirror the other day and I realized I haven't changed much since I was in my twenties.… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I've begun worshipping the sun for a number of reasons. First of all, unlike some other gods I could mention, I can… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Why is there so much controversy about drug testing? I know plenty of guys who would be willing to test any drug… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
One great thing about getting old is that you can get out of all sorts of social obligations just by saying you're… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation? — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“Sore loser? You bet your fuckin' ass! What on earth is wrong with being a sore loser? It shows you cared about… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Have you ever noticed that the lawyer always smiles more than the client? — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? — George Carlin Copy Share Image
No matter how you care to define it, I do not identify with the local group. Planet, species, race, nation, state, religion,… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
In TV today, you can say I pricked my finger, but you can't say it the other way around. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I never go anywhere or do anything that transports me outside the boundaries of my mind. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Comedy, although it is not one of the fine arts - it's a vulgar art, it's one of the people's arts, it's the spoken… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. ... These two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“TOMORROW IS ANOTHER DAY. Not true. Today is another day. We have no idea what tomorrow is going to be. It might turn out… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I was a loner as a child. I had an imaginary friend - I didn't bother with him. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“If you guys want to get a MOM tattoo and save a little money, just get two letters done. Get about a one-inch capital… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
You've built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that it's a day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday! — George Carlin Copy Share Image
It ended suddenly for Brenda, more slowly for me. My runs began getting shorter and less pleasurable. I'd feel bad after only one day,… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
The whole idea of the pursuit of goods and possessions has completely corrupted the human experience, along with religion, which I think limits the… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
