Funny Quotes by Frank Carson

I was in the Far East and I went into a restaurant and I ordered octopus and the waiter said: "It takes…

— Frank Carson

Have you heard about the Irishman who reversed into a car boot sale and sold the engine?

— Frank Carson

I come from a family of musicians. Even the sewing machine is a Singer.

— Frank Carson

The council in Blackpool have given the homeless bus passes, but how would they know where to get off?

— Frank Carson

The Irish Six Million Dollar man only cost three quid.

— Frank Carson

A girl asks her doctor, "Doctor, I've forgotten to take my contradictory pill!" The doctor says: "Are you ignorant?" The girl says:…

— Frank Carson

I'm staying in a lovely hotel, dressing robe behind the door, lovely fluffy sheets - took me a half an hour getting…

— Frank Carson

I'm really worried about my girlfriend's morals ... she has NEXT written on her knickers.

— Frank Carson

A man walks into a hospital feeling unwell and the doctor says: "Sorry, you've only got three minutes to live." The man…

— Frank Carson

My wife went into the butchers and said: "You've a sheep's head in your window." The butcher said: "That's a mirror."

— Frank Carson

I am accusing him of stealing my best material, he was a very funny man.

— Frank Carson

A man says to his mate: "My wife is a twin." His mate says, "How do you tell them apart?" The man…

— Frank Carson

A man up in front of a judge says "I don't recognise this court." "Why not?" "It's been redecorated since the last…

— Frank Carson

My Irish mate told me, if you file down the edges of a 50 pence piece, you can use it as a 10p.

— Frank Carson

An Irishman's wife gave birth to twins. Her husband wanted to know who the other man was.

— Frank Carson

There was a man sitting in the dining room of the Titanic, he said: "I know I asked for ice, but this…

— Frank Carson

There was an Irish space program to go to the sun. They went at night so they didn't get burnt.

— Frank Carson

An Englishman, Irishman and Scotsman were invited to a Christmas party. The Englishman brought a bag of tinsel, the Scotsman brought a…

— Frank Carson

I asked a shop owner if he could help me out. He said: "What way did you come in?"

— Frank Carson

Men only go for skinny women because they're too weak to argue - and salads are cheap.

— Frank Carson

A man turns to the guy next to him who's covered in bandages from head to toe and asks "What happened?". "I…

— Frank Carson

A traffic policeman stops Sister Bridget for speeding. She pulls into the side of the road and winds down her window. The…

— Frank Carson

A man walks into a pet shop and says: "Give me a wasp." The shopkeeper replies: "We don't sell wasps." He says:…

— Frank Carson

A man walked into a shop and asked, "How much are your eggs?" He said "£1.40 a dozen". He then asked: "How…

— Frank Carson

Did you know you can have an Irish abortion, but there is a 12 month waiting list?

— Frank Carson