One night I came home. I figured, let my wife come on. I'll play it cool. Let her make the first move.… — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
What a childhood I had, why, when I took my first step, my old man tripped me! — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
What a childhood I had. Once on my birthday my ol' man gave me a bat. The first day I played with… — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
When we got married, the first thing my wife did was put everything under both names - hers and her mother's. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
I started over again with an image: Nothing goes right. Then when The Godfather came out, all I heard was, Show respect.… — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
I tell ya, my wife was never nice. On our first date, I asked her if I could give her a goodnight… — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
Do ya remember the first time you had sex? I do, and boy, was I scared! I was alone! — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
When I got back into show business in 1961, I felt - for obvious reasons - that nothing in my life went… — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
I got my first break and became a singing waiter at eighteen or nineteen. I couldn't make a living at it. I… — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
My father gave me a bat for Christmas. The first time I tried to play with it, it flew away. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
I walked in on my wife and the milkman, the first thing she says is "don't tell the butcher"! — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
She was so ugly that I took her to a dog show and she won first prize. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
For Christmas one year I bought my son a BB gun. He bought me a t-shirt with a bulls eye on the back. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
I knew a girl so ugly, she had a face like a saint-a Saint Bernard! — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
Every time I get in an elevator, the operator says the same thing to me: `Basement?' — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
She failed her drivers test. She couldn't get used to the front seat. It took her four lessons to learn to sit up. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
I tell ya when I was a kid, all I knew was rejection. My yo-yo, it never came back. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
I don't care how rich and successful a man is. He's nothing without an education. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
What a childhood I had. My parents sent me to a child psychiatrist. The kid didn't help me at all. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
One night I came home. I figured, let my wife come on. I'll play it cool. Let her make the first move. She went… — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
