“A brick could be used to wade into dangerous territory with a man named Wade who builds houses made only of wood.… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I had a dream my house was on fire, and I tried to rescue all the cats—and none of the politicians. You… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Hey, turn down the volume on your “How To Make Love Like Lucifer Hand Guide Volume II” audio book a little bit.… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If liquid courage smelled like cologne and gushed out of my penis, I’d make a better fire fighter than I’m not right… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A fire truck is just a drivable penis. The flames of my love might engulf you, if you don’t let me park… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to fill the night sky with smoke, if you use it to suffocate the fire. And if… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Add smoke, not fire. You want to confuse your competition, not kill them.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to put out a fire. Unless that fire is in your heart, and you simply refuse to… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My penis burns. I guess I should stop trying to put out forest fires with it.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I went to a fire sale. I brought a bucket of water, and boy did I make a splash.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to smother a fire—but not the fire that burns in my heart for you. Or perhaps that’s… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“It’s not lit, it’s literature. Lit is something a book can be, after you’ve decided to burn it. (I suggest you start… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My rules are as follows: don’t follow, unless there’s a fire. And in that case, follow from the front.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I notice when you’re gone. Or do I? How can I observe something that isn’t there?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to make sweet, sweet music with the love of your life. Hopefully that person is me, because I’ve been… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to slow down time. Sort of like a camel in a wheelchair pushed by a thirsty Arab. Hey, Khalid,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“We have a love so pure that it makes snow seem yellow. (Don’t eat it!)” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I hid Mrs. Frozenwater’s body in the ice cube trays in my freezer. Better to keep her there than let her memory thaw out… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Two similar words might lead to two similar ideas. They might also lead to the basement, which I recently converted into a dungeon/torture chamber.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Nothing is and isn’t; nothing is and isn’t—nothing itself is, and at the same time, nothing isn’t.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“There’s only one piece of clothing I could eat fast, and that’s a scarf.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Dora J. Arod is to Jarod Ora, as yes is to yes. Yes is also the correct answer to “Will you marry me?” Other… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The best part about being kidnapped is being blindfolded and getting kicked into the trunk of a car. Boy, normally I have to beg… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
