I feel like Bush presidencies are like "Godfather" films. You should stop at two. — David Letterman Copy Share Image
It's so warm now, and Thanksgiving came so early - is it just me, or does it not really feel like Ramadan? — David Letterman Copy Share Image
The weather here is gorgeous. It's mild and feels like it's in the eighties. The hot dog vendors got confused because of… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
The 2016 presidential campaign is heating up. Can you feel the indifference, the apathy? — David Letterman Copy Share Image
Privately I think that I'm not really somebody who has a network television show. Celebrities are other people - Johnny Carson and… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
I like that Sarah Palin. She looks like the flight attendant who won't give you a second can of Pepsi ... She… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
Compared to Clinton, I feel like a loser. I can't even get the intern to make me coffee! — David Letterman Copy Share Image
Two things you need to know about taxes. They've extended the deadline to April 18, and when you write your check, just make it… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
You know Kim Jong Un, the evil dictator of North Korea? Apparently, a guy in his inner circle used his ashtray while smoking and… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
It's the first day of spring. That means this weekend I'll take down my Christmas lights. — David Letterman Copy Share Image
There are a lot of New York City Thanksgiving traditions. For example, a lot of New Yorkers don't buy the frozen Thanksgiving turkey. They… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
I can hardly wait until Donald Trump announces his celebrity cabinet. — David Letterman Copy Share Image
Experts say this global warming is serious, and they are predicting now that by the year 2050, we will be out of party ice. — David Letterman Copy Share Image
We make a lot of fun at President Clinton's expense. But this transition is going to be tough because it's been 25 years since… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
I'm worried about John Kerry, he's so confident now that he's already planning his White House sex scandal. — David Letterman Copy Share Image
I vote Democrat because I'm way too irresponsible to own a gun, and I know that my local police are all I need to… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
Do I think there is a heaven? Uh, yeah I do. Like a really big gymnasium. How do I see myself there? With really… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
If it wasn't for coffee, I'd have no discernible personality at all. — David Letterman Copy Share Image
