Remember, Jesus would rather constantly shame gays than let orphans have a family. — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
Of course! Jeb Bush! America is hungry for another leader from that talented family! — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
If a poor family falls on hard times in the woods, and no one is around to care, did it really happen? — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
Obama avoided the Vietnam draft with a letter from his family doctor diagnosing him as medically eight. — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
You should spend more time with your families; write that novel you've always wanted to write. You know, the one about the… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
Cardinal Dolan, of course, has a very, very hard job: trying to hold up Catholic family values in sexually liberal New York… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
“According to the U.S. Census Bureau, a family is defined as two or more people living together who are related by birth,… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
Thanksgiving is a magical time of year when families across the country join together to raise America's obesity statistics. Personally, I love… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
There was sort of a negative association with the military. Maybe growing up in the South or being in a family with… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
Don't be bitter. Everybody suffers. If you can accept your suffering then you will understand other people better. Be grateful for pain. Love life. — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
Cynicism masquerades as wisdom, but it is the farthest thing from it. Because cynics don’t learn anything. Because cynicism is a self-imposed blindness, a… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
We all deserve credit for this new surveillance state that we live in because we the people voted for the Patriot Act. Democrats and… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
I've long been against illegal aliens, partly because they distract us from an even bigger threat: real aliens. — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
Believe in me, cause I don't believe in anything, and I wanna be someone to believe. — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
It's August, which means Congress is on recess and Mitch McConnell has shimmied back into the ocean to seek a mate. — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
Try to love others and serve others and hopefully find those who love and serve you in return. — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
Thirty seconds is the exact amount of time Americans can tolerate something they don't understand. — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
I used to make up stuff in my bio all the time, that I used to be a professional ice-skater and stuff like that.… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
I live by syllogisms: God is love. Love is blind. Stevie Wonder is blind. Therefore, Stevie Wonder is God. I don't know what I'd… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
“Unlike Paul Newman, who seems to think that salad dressing is the cure-all for America's ills, I'm a man of action.” — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
Now, for my younger viewers out there, a book is something we used to have before the internet. It’s sort of a blog for… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
