Facebook Quotes by Nikhil Saluja · Page 26

Life Insurance: A contract that leaves you poor while you live so you can die rich.

— Nikhil Saluja

MARRIAGE, A condition where no wife gets what she expected, and no husband expected what he was getting;

— Nikhil Saluja

Between 31 and 35, a woman is like Spain: Very hot, relaxed and convinced of her own beauty.

— Nikhil Saluja

Conference: One man's confusion multiplied by the number of people there.

— Nikhil Saluja

Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.

— Nikhil Saluja

HUSBAND, PERFECT, is, in a man's second marriage, her first mate

— Nikhil Saluja

When it comes to sex, most women are like the government. All talk, no action.

— Nikhil Saluja

Even if women came with Terms & Conditions, you still wouldnt read them.

— Nikhil Saluja

Just saw two homeless men hitting each other with pieces of cardboard. Pillow fight!!

— Nikhil Saluja

If you separate the whites and the colored clothes during laundry, you're a racist.

— Nikhil Saluja

Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.

— Nikhil Saluja

I hate knowing that I care more about other people than other people will ever care about me

— Nikhil Saluja

People on a diet should have a salad dressing called 250 Islands.

— Nikhil Saluja

Sometimes your knight in Shining armor is just an idiot in tin foil.

— Nikhil Saluja

I wish my wife would blow me as much as she blows little things out of proportion.

— Nikhil Saluja

HUSBAND, A sensible sort of a man -- he never thinks of romance and marriage;

— Nikhil Saluja

Woman say:OF COURSE I LOVE YOU Woman means:just not in that way.

— Nikhil Saluja

If a girl takes the time to straighten her hair and you don't fall in love with her you're an asshole.

— Nikhil Saluja

A girl prepares your fridge football season. The woman just wants you on her tight end.

— Nikhil Saluja

I'm trying to fix your mother's camera. Easy, easy - Hmmm. I think I need a bigger drill.

— Nikhil Saluja

I drank so much beer that I feel like I can ejaculate a unicorn in full sprint.

— Nikhil Saluja

A girl will bring you breakfast in bed. A lady will be your breakfast in bed.

— Nikhil Saluja

If my zipper is down, that's my problem, you didn't see anything!

— Nikhil Saluja

WARNING: the crumsumpten of alcohol may Mack you tink you kan tpye reel Gode.

— Nikhil Saluja

Writing a tweet is not like impressing someone. Don't try too hard.

— Nikhil Saluja

FEEDBACK: The inevitable result when the baby doesn't appreciate the strained carrots.

— Nikhil Saluja

''SYMPATHY''... You can get from Anybody -- But...!! ''JEALOUSY''... You have to Earn it…!!!!!!!

— Nikhil Saluja

There are caregivers and there are caretakers, and yet the two words are not opposites. Why is this?

— Nikhil Saluja

WATERBED, A device that may help a marriage -- then again, the couple may drift apart

— Nikhil Saluja

DEFENCE: What you'd better have around de yard if you're going to let de children play outside.

— Nikhil Saluja

Everytime I find a dead body, I wish it was a pizza. Every time.

— Nikhil Saluja

Maybe there won't be stars, maybe there won't be retweets, but by God there'll be slying!

— Nikhil Saluja

HUSBAND, GOOD, A man who feels in his pockets every time he passes a mailbox

— Nikhil Saluja

While looking for love I sent my pictures to the Lonely Hearts Club. The reply came back, We are not that lonely.

— Nikhil Saluja

Politicians are like bananas when they first come in they're green, then they turn yellow, and finally they're rotten!

— Nikhil Saluja

What's the point of going out? We're just going to wind up back here anyway.

— Nikhil Saluja

It's normal to feel the way you do right now but trust me, it will get better. Good luck, be strong.

— Nikhil Saluja

A wife is just an attachment men screw on the bed to get the housework done.

— Nikhil Saluja

I hate when there's no more toilet paper and I have to bother the person in the next stall to help wipe…

— Nikhil Saluja

MARRIAGE, SUCCESSFUL, one in which the husband knows when to remember and a wife knows what to forget;

— Nikhil Saluja