A scary dream makes your heart beat faster. Why doesn't the part of your brain that controls your heartbeat realize that another… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
And off we go, out onto the highway looking for a little fun. Perhaps a flatbed truck loaded with human cadavers will… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
There are women named Faith, Hope, Joy, and Prudence. Why not Despair, Guilt, Rage, and Grief? It seems only right. 'Tom, I'd… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, then you're PUSHING 40. Whoa! Put on the brakes, it's all slipping away. Before you know… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
There are two types of people: One strives to control his environment, the other strives not to let his environment control him.… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“It's called the 'American dream' because you have to be asleep to believe it.” — George Carlin Copy Share Image
My books and records are arranged according to subject, and within each subject, they're alphabetical by author or artist. The music tapes… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I like to control my environment, because I feel if I have my physical space in order, then I'm free to dream.… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Suddenly, I was thirty, very unhappy entertaining people in their forties, and here came a group of people in their teens and… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
People are dreaming if they think they have rights. They've never had rights. There's no such thing. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I never go anywhere or do anything that transports me outside the boundaries of my mind. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Comedy, although it is not one of the fine arts - it's a vulgar art, it's one of the people's arts, it's the spoken… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. ... These two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“TOMORROW IS ANOTHER DAY. Not true. Today is another day. We have no idea what tomorrow is going to be. It might turn out… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I was a loner as a child. I had an imaginary friend - I didn't bother with him. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“If you guys want to get a MOM tattoo and save a little money, just get two letters done. Get about a one-inch capital… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
You've built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that it's a day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday! — George Carlin Copy Share Image
It ended suddenly for Brenda, more slowly for me. My runs began getting shorter and less pleasurable. I'd feel bad after only one day,… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
The whole idea of the pursuit of goods and possessions has completely corrupted the human experience, along with religion, which I think limits the… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
